sтoяyьooк δυστυχία
by kao-dreams
Summary: Ever is a Wammy orphan, abnormally intelligent like every other kid there. When L proposes a game, Ever finds herself doing anything to win against her pen pal, the one whose identity she has to find. To fall in love was unexpected. :: Mello x OC ::
1. My Pen Pal Is

sтoяyьooк δυστυχία

* * *

**For everything there is a season,  
And a time for every matter under heaven:  
A time to be born, and a time to die;  
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;  
A time to kill, and a time to heal;  
A time to break down, and a time to build up;  
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;  
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;  
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;  
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;  
A time to seek, and a time to lose;  
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;  
A time to tear, and a time to sew;  
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;  
A time to love, and a time to hate,  
A time for war, and a time for peace.**

**Ecclesiastes 3:1-8**

* * *

_Chapter One: My Pen Pal Is…_

Wammy House had only one purpose; to find a successor for L. You can imagine why Quillsh Wammy, otherwise known as Watari, had this purpose in mind as he built this orphanage. It was for the sole reason that, without L, the world's crime rate would rise drastically. In L's words, there would be a higher than thirteen percent crime rate increase. For that reason, and that reason only, few people have ever met L as L. I am not one of those people. I'm sure I've met L on occasion. Maybe he was the mailman who sometimes came by whose name was Yukihiro, or the person who came to Wammy House that one time to talk about the importance of identity by the name of Matsurai Aoi. I would never know, unless I got better and rose from my position of being sixth in line as the successor of L.

But Watari had some news today that could get my position up. With all the Wammy House children in the large auditorium, he told us, "L has suggested a game for all of you to play." A game to play? I frowned. It didn't sound very much like L, but it _was_ L, so he must've thought of something good. "Each of you will get a "pen pal" whose identity you will not know." My frown deepened. We're going to be writing back and forth to someone we don't know? I didn't like it. But Watari hadn't gotten to the catch yet. "You will have to find out the identity of the person by all means necessary while not giving away yourself. Whoever is the first to find out their partner will get a prize. Your partner can be anyone.

"The first letter will be sent either by you or your partner. You will know when a man comes to your door and knocks three times, followed by him saying "Letter." You _must_ open the door. You will need no address but you will need an envelope. Make sure you don't give away anything and be very careful. One thing you cannot do is follow the man to whoever he takes the letter to. You will use your own means. When you figure out your partner, you get one try and one try only. If you fail to give me the correct answer, you will _drop_ a level. In the real world, there are no second chances."

Now I liked this game. Watari stepped down and the kids chattered excitedly. I didn't want to talk. I had to think. I didn't find the noise distracting, so I was able to think while standing in the middle of a very loud, echoing auditorium, which, I'm guessing, was giving me an advantage against whoever I was partnered with. First, my handwriting would hint at my identity, so I decided to type. Next, whoever I was partnered with may be smart enough to look for fingerprints, so I would use gloves. If I forgot one time, the man who was to take our letters would leave fingerprints and confuse my partner. I would say little. My identity would not be found.

It was three days later that a man with black hair, pale skin and dark circles under eyes, and hunched-over stance knocked at my door three times, followed by "Letter." I opened my door, even though I was very frazzled at this early hour. It was part of the rules. I looked at him, blinking in surprise at his oddity, but said nothing. He handed me a letter with, as expected, bare hands, and I took it. "It's the complete list of rules," he told me, and left. I shut the door and sat down on my bed, opening the envelope and taking out the printed list.

**Rules**

_1. _You must not give away your identity

_2. _You must always open your door to the mailman

_3. _You must always reply

_4. _You must reply within three days

_5. _You cannot follow the mailman

_6. _You cannot ask for your partner's name

_7. _You will give your answer to Watari or Roger and tell no one else

_8. _You will not be considered the winner if your partner slips his or her name

_9. _You may not tell your gender or name

_10. _Win

I smiled at the last rule. It was just what I planned on doing. The gender thing would have lowered the amount of people who could be considered your partner greatly and now it was just eliminated. It was a bit unfortunate, but I could live with it. I hoped that my partner was not stupid and let slip his of her name or I would not be able to win. I expected the next letter to come in three days and sure enough, after three more days, the mailman came to my door again by the same three knocks and saying "Letter." I'd wiped my doorknob before leaving to classes and after getting back to my room to make sure I got the mailman's fingerprints to tell the difference from his and my pen pal's. It was a different man, with brown hair and blue eyes and a more normal look to him.

"First letter from your pen pal," he said, holding out the letter to me. He closed the door after I took it and left. Quickly, I reopened the door and found his fingerprints which I memorized and then closed the door again and sat at my desk, staring at the letter. I was glad that this was in the afternoon, when I was more awake. I might miss something if it was earlier. I searched the letter first for fingerprints and found none but the mailman's. I ripped it open and searched the paper (typed, damn it) for fingerprints and once again found none. He or she had the same thoughts as I did. Unfortunate.

Finally I read the letter:

Dear pen pal, _(Formal.)_

This is giving you an advantage by receiving the first letter. _(This person was one of the higher positions, I noted, by the way he or she wrote.)_ I do not intend to give you any person information, so do not expect anything from me. _(Possibly around my position, I thought, since this person didn't use contractions and usually the higher-ups preferred to speak and write this way.)_ I intend to win. _(Cocky. Definitely high position.)_ I think it would be proper to start by asking, How are you? _(This person didn't seem too good with being social. And really, proper? This person definitely was high positioned and wasn't social. That lowered it to about the twenties position-wise. This person was making a lot of slips, so maybe the thirties.)_ How's the view? _(Damn, contraction. That raised the probability to the forties. The view? From my room? Did he or she believe that I would fall for that?)_ Good luck trying to find my identity. _(Oh, cocky again. Too cocky. Back to the thirties for his or her position.)_

From, _(Formal again. This person isn't sarcastic. Probability still in the thirties.)_

Your pen pal _(Oh, formal _again_. Lowers probability to twenty-fives and up.)_

I pushed the letter to the side and opened a new Word document on my computer. I stared at the screen for a while, and then exited it. I decided to wait a day, send it on the second day. I assumed that the mailman would appear everyday just in case I wanted to send it. The first day it was the same brown haired and blue eyed man and I told him that I would send it tomorrow. I went to class on that second day, a Thursday, which unfortunately meant that I was with the cocky, high-positioned successors to L. _Usually_ I would think this unfortunate. Today I took at as an opportunity to search for my cocky, high-positioned, formal, rarely contraction-ing pen pal.

We were talking about cases with hidden clues. I already knew about this, but I listened anyway. Anything would help me get better. "Usually you will have to look for something missing," our teacher for today was saying. He stopped in his explanation and pointed to someone who'd raised their hand. I didn't care to look at him or her, really.

"Or something added to the scene." At hearing the question, I became interested and turned my head around. I'd seen him a few times; longish blonde hair, black clothes always, in competition with Near and friends with Matt. His name was Mello, second in line. Four people between our positions. Our eyes met for a quick second, pulled apart when Mello looked away and to the teacher as he spoke again. I felt a bit shaken. His eyes were a brilliant blue that I had never noticed until now. There was no explanation as to why I wanted to look at his eyes again.

"Yes, exactly right," the teacher nodded, mildly impressed. "Hidden messages may also be included in those added objects. For example, a note may be left as something simple as a shopping list that can easily be overlooked." I blocked him out, staring down at my book until the words blurred. I was worried about my sanity. Why did I want to look at Mello again? I kept my eyes down, even though I longed up look up at his brilliant blue eyes again. I was given no homework today but I knew that I would have to write my letter today to my cocky pen pal.

Back in my room, I sat down at my computer with my first letter to the right of me and opened a Word document. I typed.

_Dearest_ pen pal,

I'm sure I have an advantage, thank you for pointing that out. But so you know, I'm not ignorant. Hardly. I don't intend to give you any personal information either. I don't see how you can win when _I_ will win first. There's always second. I'm great. I'm wonderful. Thanks for asking. The view from my room? Beautiful. I love to look out my window every night, staring at the sunset. You should do it sometime. Very pretty. Thanks lots for the luck. I sure as hell needed it!

_Love,_

Your new best friend

No, I wasn't really that stupid. I thought maybe a little pretending would come in handy here. My letter dripped with sarcasm as I'm sure my pen pal would be able to tell. This seems like a letter written by an angry little girl whose position was very low. I thought that, just to play with them, I would be very serious in my next letter, however he or she replied. And the thing with the sunset view? I really did have that view, and I really did look out at it every night. But with his or her impression of my sarcasm, I thought he or she would assume that this too was sarcastic.

I printed it and left it there in the printer, scrounging around my room for gloves and an envelope. I found the gloves and slipped them on, shortly afterward finding an envelope under one of my many piles of stuff lying around. I was a very messy person. My floor was hardly visible. With gloves on, I folded the letter, put it in the envelope, and set it down on the small desk by the door so that when the mailman opened the door and I didn't have my gloves on, he could just take it from there. The bed made its usual squeaky noise when I lay on my back, staring at the ceiling until, seven minutes later, the mailman was there. He opened the door and it was the same brown haired guy. I pointed to the table by the door and he took it from there, nodding.

That night I didn't watch the sunset. For some reason I was very tired and I slept the rest of the day and night away. Since I went to sleep so early, I woke up early at 4:47 AM. I didn't know what to do so I changed, pulled on a light jacket (because it was cold out), and went for a walk just outside the Wammy House building. I shivered at first but then I got used to it and walked to the back garden. Surprisingly, there was someone else there at 4:50 AM. There was barely any sun at all so I could only make out the person's silhouette. It was a boy, maybe my age, with shoulder length hair and skin-tight clothes.

Mello.

I immediately spun around and was starting to walk back when Mello stopped me. "Wait," he said quietly. But in this silence, except for birds faintly chirping, it was rather loud. I turned slowly around, silver hair whipping around me from a sudden gust of strong wind. I shivered, zipping up my jacket and shoving my hands into my pockets. The shorter stands of hair that I had in front were getting in my face so I had to take my hands out of my pocket to brush them away.

"What?" I replied over the wind. He walked closer to me and I nearly took a step back but I stood where I was. Soon he was close enough that his brilliant blue eyes looked into my orange ones.

"Ever." I blinked. He knew my name?

"What is it?" I repeated.

He shrugged. "Just making sure that's your name," Mello told me. I raised my eyebrows. "I'm guessing I was right. You're sixth in line, aren't you?" I nodded slowly. He wasn't wearing a jacket, I noticed.

"You're not cold?" I wondered, changing the subject from me to him.

Mello looked down at himself as if he just noticed that he was jacketless. "Oh." He looked back up at me and grinned sheepishly. "Guess not. I didn't even notice, come to think of it..." He trailed off, only now noticing that it was cold. He was rather oblivious for L's second choice of a replacement, wasn't he? "You're shivering," he stated.

"Because it's _cold_," I reminded him, suddenly sneezing. He frowned. "I don't know how you can't tell. And I don't even know _why_ I'm even out here. I'm going in." I turned to leave him but his footsteps were right behind me.

"Why _are_ you out here so early, anyway?" Mello questioned, keeping my pace. Though I'd already said that I didn't know what I was doing, it was strange that he insisted on asking. Might as well indulge him.

"Went to sleep early so I woke up early," I shrugged in reply. "I didn't have anything better to do. My pen pal—" I stopped myself right there. There was a possibility that anyone in this house was my pen pal; even Mello. I had nearly made a huge slip there.

Mello was smiling at me and I frowned back in confusion. "You nearly had a slip there," he told me unnecessarily. "Quick catch."

I wanted to change the subject. My pen pal and my flaws were two not-so-happy subjects. So I snapped, "_You_ never make mistakes?"

He looked taken aback. "Not often," Mello said confidently, despite his surprise.

I snorted in contempt and then abruptly realized how snobby I must sound. I hung my head. "Sorry. I just don't exactly _enjoy_ talking about my flaws," I sighed. "Or my _pen pal_."

Mello smirked. "I feel the same." He held the door open for me as we re-entered Wammy House and as it turned out, our rooms were down the same hallway.

I had never noticed until now, and I thought it was mere coincidence that my friend Ruby, seventh in line, was just across the hall, but every highly-placed person to succeed L was right by each other. Ivy, the tenth to succeed L, was the last one at the end of the hall. I had honestly never noticed and when Mello saw my incredulous expression at seeing him walk towards the room four doors down from me, he laughed, opening his door.

"You're a poor detective if you didn't notice _that_, Ever," he told me.

I crossed my arms angrily. "My _flaws_ again?" I hissed in a warning tone. He shrugged, still grinning, and shut the door behind him. I sighed and rolled my eyes, walking into my own room. There on the desk was another letter. My pen pal sure replied quickly.

I opened it, not bothering to check for fingerprints (because I knew he or she was just too smart to slip like that) and laid back on my bed, holding the letter above my head as I read.

_Dearest_ pen pal, _(Mocking me? Probability down to thirties again.)_

I quite enjoyed your letter. _(Sarcastic, but use of "quite" keeps it at thirty.)_ It's good to know you're not ignorant. This game would be a complete _bore_ if you were. _(Thanks. I'll take that as a compliment, mixed in with sarcasm. Thirty-second placed at the most.)_ Having the advantage probably didn't interest you much, did it? You didn't seem to mind being the underhand. _(Sarcasm! Or maybe he was just in a bad mood from my letter that was _dripping_ with sarcasm? I've got to apologize in my next one or this will just be a bicker without any real hints.)_ Yes, the sunset is quite nice, isn't it? I watch it every night, too. _(His whole letter was sarcastic so far. Is this sarcastic too? Now I know how he felt when he read my letter. Fifty-fifty percent chance that he has a sunset view.)_ You're welcome for the luck. Everyone needs a little luck now and then. _(Sarcastic? It doesn't seem as rude as his or her other comments. We'll go with slightly sarcastic. There's a little sincerity in there somewhere.)_

From, _(Oh, he or she's not returning the "Love" gesture. They've gotten over the sarcasm? Quick. This person made a slip, though. Probability just went up to twenties and higher.)_

Your new best friend _(Returning my words? Kind, but I can't accept. I already have a best friend, sorry.)_

I laughed. Well, this person was interesting, I decided. Maybe I'd really start playing and trick him or her into slipping something else. First, the gender thing was important. Without asking this person "Are you of the male or female population?" I might ask them instead "Why do you think Pikachu is so popular but wasn't the first Pokemon?" because here in Japan, boys loved Pokemon. And I did too, even though I was of the female persuasion rather than male. Maybe this would trick my pen pal?

No, no Pokemon, I decided. Too dangerous. He could either assume that I was, in fact, a boy, or that I was a girl trying to trick him by talking in a way I thought was boyish. So far, I'd been using exact amounts more boyish and girlish words, but maybe this letter I could pretend to make a slip and use one more boyish word than girlish word and this way throw off the balance. If I was a boy, I'd more likely mess up and slip with a boyish word, wouldn't I?

This game was making my head spin. I made a decision that, instead of pretending, I'd be myself, and maybe in just acting as I am, that in itself would trick him or her. Satisfied with this new way of thinking, I went to type my letter, remembering that I had to apologize to get this person's true nature revealed.

Pen pal,

I'm sorry, I was being somewhat egotistical. I tend to be overconfident and let my emotions overtake me. Forgive me? This sounds pretty sentimental for a person I've never met. I really wonder what your name is. I'm writing this so off guard, I wonder what I'm slipping just by using one word instead of another. This game L thought up has me so... I don't know. It makes me feel like everything's spinning. It's killing me to figure out who you are.

Instead of ending the letter, I quickly took out the two letters I'd received from my pen pal. I scanned them, searching for something—anything—to give this person away, and then I noticed their writing. Words that usually are reserved for boys scattered the page. I had already started to assume that this person was a boy from the way he or she wrote, but now, looking at his or her word choice... I was almost positive it was a boy. Maybe I sounded like a girl, even _with_ my alternating use of boy's and girl's words. Maybe he's already figured out who I am and is now just toying with me.

I went back to my letter.

I must be sounding like some desperate little kid, and I may as well be, but really, it's eating away at me. The only things I've figured out is that you're a boy and your placement is high, ten and up. _(Oh, I _wish_ I had narrowed it that far! But maybe he'd slip and give me something to work with.)_ Pen pal sounds stupid.

From,

Fruit

I smiled at my new name. Fruit. I chose it based on an English "joke" that I assumed my pen pal wouldn't guess. My eyes were orange, and in English, orange is also a fruit, therefore, my "name" was Fruit. The answer, if he could figure it out, would be, literally, staring him right in the face. I thought it rather clever. Doing the same procedure as before with gloves (which I now kept near the computer) on, I printed my letter and left it on the small table by the door. Surprisingly, the mailman came right then to collect letters. I opened the door for him and it was the same brown haired, blue eyed mailman. The first one must've been just a one-time thing. He smiled at seeing the gloves I wore.

"Smart," he told me, and left with my letter.

Equations, English, literature. It was Saturday, the day with a room of randomly chosen students from Wammy House put together in a class to _learn_. I already knew most of this. These classes were dumbed-down for the lower-placed students in the class. Since there were fifty or so students at Wammy's, there was no doubt that there'd be at least a few thirty-placed or lower students in each random-class. I hadn't noticed until I heard a slightly familiar voice unfamiliarly grumbling and swearing that Mello was, in fact, also in my random-class. That meant that the only days I _wasn't_ with him was Monday and Tuesday. And Sunday, but everyone had a day off that day. How was it possible that I didn't notice him for four days a week until just today?

"Mello must've run into Near this morning," someone whispered. I subtly turned my head so that I could hear them better. For someone so high-placed and close to the top here, I didn't know much about them. Although I remained friendly towards the people at Wammy's, I mostly kind of just _blended in_ and only spoke enough to still be considered normal. I didn't listen to gossip, and much less spread it, but I at least knew about the bitter rivalry between the first and second successors of L, Near and Mello.

"Or maybe Near beat him," someone else in their little group suggested.

"Already? And it's only ten in the morning!" another sniggered. I don't know why, but they were starting to annoy me. My heart clenched to hear them making fun of Mello like that and I wondered if Mello really didn't hear them or was just pretending. As I tired to slowly look at Mello, I heard him slam his books down on his table and swear loudly, making me flinch.

"I'm not deaf, bastards!" he yelled at them. "I can fucking _hear_ you!" Mello pulled out his chair and it scraped along the ground in a very obnoxious manner, like nails on a chalk board.

He leaned back in his chair, putting his feet up on the table and crossing his arms. His face was pulled into a scowl and his friend, thirdly placed Matt, sat down beside him, a bit more calmly. Matt didn't sit as rudely as his companion but he sure didn't sit properly, tilting his chair back and keep his balance with one foot on the side of the table. He had a GameBoy in his hand, his trademark item, and was rapidly pressing the buttons in a way that hurt my eyes to keep track of his fingers.

"Matt!" the teacher growled angrily, entering the classroom finally. "GameBoy, away." The redhead glanced shortly up at the teacher, put his foot on the ground and made his chair move up in the correct, upright position. He made no attempt to hide the fact that he still played his GameBoy, although in a different position with his elbows on his knees, back hunched, and head bent down to effectively see what he was doing.

"All right, Pikachu!" he yelled triumphantly, suddenly snapping the GameBoy closed and throwing it on the table as if it didn't cost as much money as it did. I couldn't help but watch in amazement as he slid down his goggles to his eyes and stared back at the teacher intently. "Done," he told her unnecessarily. This earned a few giggles, but the teacher was not amused.

"I don't know how you manage to stay third, Matt," she sighed, rolling her eyes and turning to the board. She began to write but I wasn't looking. My gaze was seemingly still on Matt, but in reality, it was past him, watching Mello snicker and playfully tease Matt. When I noticed Mello's brilliant blue eyes start to wander away from Matt, I quickly averted my gaze to the board, where it should be.

"Ever!" the teacher snapped. I straightened up in attention, scanning the board. 2x multiplied by 7 squared... Easy. The problem above, solved by another student (a problem already solved? how long did I space?), showed that x equals forty-three.

A quick thought flitted through my mind and I answered, "Four thousand, two-hundred fourteen." She blinked.

Usually I would at least _pretend_ to look at notes, leaving my intelligence level seemingly lower to others, but in all honesty, it was just a trick. I was much smarter than I allowed others to see. Math, however, had always been my strong point, ever since I was four when my cousin Jason taught me how to add, subtract, and multiply. For some odd reason, I loved to multiply. Maybe because I got to see that by adding a number over and over again a certain number of times gave you such a big number, and I loved that. When I was still little and at home with my mother and father, I used to think that if I could add myself over and over again, maybe I'd finally be someone worthy of _something_, rather than just a little child who no one took seriously even though I could do such difficult math problems.

Until Watari.

I felt someone watching me but I didn't dare look. This random onslaught of memories was pushing me to a point where I felt like crying. It happened sometimes, and this wasn't as strong as some other times, but just thinking about "back then"... I hated these memories. I was at Wammy's now, a place where I was _acknowledged_, and I didn't have to worry anymore. Watari _saved_ me, so it was okay. Why did math do this to me? Was it because it was someone from my _family_ taught me this? This wonderful pattern that made small numbers slowly become larger and larger the more you added?

A wall formed in my mind, hard and fast, blocking out everything except the present time, figuring out problems and doing something that meant _nothing_ but curves made by a pencil forming shapes that we recognized and used daily. They're just _numbers_, Ever. Shapes. They have no meaning. Shapes marked on paper meaning one, and two, and three and four. Multiply them, and you get bigger numbers. _Just numbers_. There are no memories in multiplying...

I took a deep breath. I hoped no one noticed that dilemma that had just went on in my head right then. My eyes were focused on the teacher's handwriting, making the swirls and odd shapes of the English letters. Ever... I wrote it on the front of my notebook in big, fancy, bubble letters, marking it as mine. I liked the way my name spelled out. I wanted to try my _real_ name, but not here. That would be the worst slip I could make.

Before I knew it, class ended and I was glad my wall blocking the memories was still holding strong. I could last the day, and maybe the next. At least through the night, I hoped, because waking up crying would just be a premonition leading to a bad day. Who wants that? I willed myself to last as I closed the door softly behind me. My room, messy as ever, was comforting. Here, I could cry if my wall crumbled. Out there, I'd have to suffer on my own and _last_ and live with the memories that tortured my very being. Would I last out there? What if my wall was no longer there and we were in the middle of an important progress test and I just started _bawling?_

Wall, wall, wall. Block it out.

I shut my eyes tightly, sitting on my bed and holding my head. I was getting a very bad, pulsing headache from all these _what ifs_. Slowly, I opened my eyes and found that, on the usual table, there was a letter. _Quick reply,_ I though. He was eager, my pen pal was. He probably wanted to win as fast as he could. I walked over and ripped open the envelope, reading it while leaning on the door.

Fruit,

Odd choice. But hey, I forgive you. I have my egotistical moments, too. Don't we all? Writing off guard? No shit. You slipped so many things I could write a fucking biography about you. You're a girl, either 13 or 14, placed under four to eight, and you have a mind full of confusion and misery. A shit load of it, and you're just not letting it out. Did I get that right? If I did, vent it! I sure as hell do. My friend says that's not something to be proud of, but hey, emotion gets you far in life. I mean, look at me! Well, you can't really, but anyway... Just to let you know, there's only two people you could be. Ever or Ruby. Ever and Ruby are both a bit quite, but I met Ever a few days ago, and she's actually more social that she would seem. I haven't met Ruby face-to-face (maybe I should, if you're Ruby), but there's a very high possibility that she's Near's pen pal. So, hello Ever! Or, Fruit?

Signed by the winner,

_(here was scribbled a gothic-looking cross you might find in a church)_ Cross

I stared at the paper in horror, mouth agape. He knew me! He knew it was me! What the hell?! From two letters, he knew that _I_, Ever, was his pen pal! I felt like going on a rampage. How, how, how?! He's met me?

I stopped. My mind settled down quickly when I put a tight lid on my emotions. I pulled my chair out, slightly more roughly than usual, and sat in front of my computer, absently picking up my fingerprint duster and brushed it over the paper. It dropped from my hand and clattered to what was left of the wood floor. Fingerprints! He was careless this time. I had his finger prints.

I went to sleep content with knowing that I had his finger prints. This was very helpful. I had an odd hunch that my pen pal, aka Cross, was Mello. I needed proof, one little piece of evidence to prove that Cross was Mello. In the morning, I thought through a plan. I would disguise myself, follow Mello the entire day and watch to make sure he dropped something with his fingerprints on it. I was desperate, and not only that, but a sore loser as well, and I was determined to at least be second. I wouldn't raise a spot, but if I gave the correct answer, I wouldn't drop a place, would I?

Before I disguised myself, I went to Roger's office and knocked quietly. There was no answer. I knocked more loudly. "Come in!" Roger said. I did, opening the door and stepping in not timidly like I usually did. Roger noticed this odd change in my behavior and climbed down the ladder he was using to grab a book particularly high up slowly.

"Um, Roger... If you answer correctly but you are not the first to answer, will you drop a spot?" I wondered.

"No," he replied in that gruff, old man voice of his. I breathed a sigh of relief. "But you will not rise a spot, either. We've already had two answers, but you can still give your answer."

"And if I don't answer? If I forfeit?" I wondered.

Roger smiled. "Then that wouldn't be giving L a very good opinion of you, would it? You may drop out and not give an answer since we've already had a winner, but when L looks back on this and sees that you dropped out, what will he think?" My eyes widened slightly. "If you get the wrong answer, you _will_ drop down one placement, but if you get it right, you stay in your current position. So isn't it worth it to at least try?"

"Thanks Roger!" I grinned and left his office quickly, running back up the stairs. I bumped into someone in my haste and I nearly fell backwards down the stairs but I was caught by the arm and pulled back onto my feet. "Thanks..." I said breathlessly, my heart beating a thousand miles an hour from the scare I just received. I looked up to see who saved me and it was none other than Mello's best friend, third in line, Matt. He already going back to his handheld and playing away.

"Hn, be careful," he replied, walking past me and down the stairs. Matt was odd, but I didn't mind in the least because he'd just saved me from breaking bones. I smiled and ran up the rest of the way. Closing the door behind me, I slid down and sat on the ground, out of breath. Wammy House had a lot of stairs and my room, along with the other top ten, was on the highest level. Once I'd regained my breath, I scrounged around my room for all the things necessary for my disguise.

A darker silver wig with its length a little longer than the longest of my hair, purple contacts, a black and red-lined leather dress that you'd see a cosplayer wear with the sleeves made of some sort of dark-but-see-through fabric and a crisscrossed string tied in front, leather gloves up to my elbows with buckles near the end of it, fish-net tights and leather boots with buckles. In all, I looked like a cosplayer, not only with the dress that was very short (something I would _never_ wear and I wore this as my disguise for that reason) and leather, but for all of my attire. The gloves especially, but I needed them to pick up anything Mello dropped with his fingerprints on it.

I waited by my door, listening for his door to open, and when I heard it, I turned my attention to the window, waiting for him to appear. Mello was going out to the town, which I knew right away when he turned to the right and not the left. Running down the steps (too much running!) and surprisingly avoiding anyone's stares, I followed Mello's path. I always stayed behind him far enough to seem like I wasn't following him but always close enough to keep him in my view. Either Mello never noticed or he pretended not to. At least, until something strange happened.

The object of my stalking, unsurprisingly, stopped at a sweets store with an outdoor balcony. Of course, the most sweet-addicted member of Wammy House would stop here. There was nothing unusual as he sat outside and waited for a waitress. When she came, I felt a strange pang of jealously as she flirted with him even though she was clearly older. Mello ignored her deftly, to my unexplainable relief, and ordered a slice of triple chocolate moose cake. I couldn't help but smile. Leave to Mello to find the cake most likely to give him the cavity of his life. Idly, I wondered if Mello got cavities, anyway.

Shaking the thought from my mind, I remained hidden in a gift shop across the street, watching inconspicuously from behind a stack of large stuffed animals. Mello was nearly done so I was getting ready to leave when, all of a sudden, a voice sounded form behind me. "Excuse me, miss? I'm going to have to ask you to come with me…" I spun around to face a male worker, glaring at him through my purple contacts and getting a frightened look in return. It was clear that he thought I was stealing.

"As if I would get myself a criminal record," I scoffed, but seeing as he didn't know what I meant, I held my arms out. There were no pockets on my outfit. "See any place I could hide your silly merchandise?"

There was a sharp edge to my tone now. Every second I was turned away from Mello, I could be loosing him. Nervously, although with a brave look in his eyes, he pointed tentatively to my chest. I gave him a sickened look and he shrugged. "Worth a try," he sighed.

"Worth a slap," I muttered, irritated, before stalking out. However, I'd completely forgotten about staying concealed and found myself staring straight at Mello as he paid for the cake. My contact colored eyes widened in shock. Then I remembered I was disguised and knew that my misplaced shock would be suspicious. I quickly covered it with a forced blush, which wasn't altogether hard at all, and looked away as if acting like a schoolgirl with a crush. A cosplaying schoolgirl with a crush. But this meant that I would have to walk away, act like I had some other destination.

Keeping with my improvised plan of crushing girl with another place to be, I risked a glance up at Mello as I passed, aiming for the antique shop a little ways down. With all the luck I'd been having today, I had to go by the sweets shop to get to it. And with all the misfortune I'd been having today, Mello was still staring right at me, clearly intending to walk after me. My heart started racing with nervousness. He was smart enough to know who I was by two letters. He was probably smart enough to know who I was by one glance, even if I did look like some crushing cosplayer. Which, I wasn't.

"You look like someone I know."

He was less than five steps behind me. I gritted my teeth. _That's because I am._ Even though I wanted to growl at him and tell him off and 'kindly' ask him to stop his teasing, I couldn't dare a turn around. "A lot of guys tell me that. None of them mean it," I retorted, disguising my voice as well. This was familiar territory for me, having gone disguised in voice and body more than once. Self-trained by experience, I was doing rather well.

Until he grabbed my arm and sent a shockwave through my arm. I gasped, not from surprise, and turned around to face him. Not that he gave me much choice. He had a smug smirk on. "Think you're clever, Ever?" Mello asked me rhetorically. "Well, so am I."

"Not as clever as you think," I spat, jerking my arm away from his grasp. I didn't like the way it made me feel for him to be so close. Close enough that I could feel his breath on my face.

"Sure I'm not," he replied slowly, backing away a step when he noticed my contorted expression. I could see the way I looked to him, reflected in the brilliant blue eyes that had first caught my attention. Why had I turned around that day? Why did I have to notice the wonderful way they gleamed with mischief and intelligence in one?

"Oh, back off, Mello! We both know you're my pen pal, and you've already been declared the winner," I snapped angrily, mad at myself that I hadn't won. There was nothing I wanted more than to be L's successor. I always thought that if I was, I would be able to forget everything up until the moment I entered Wammy House, when everything became perfect. On the plus side, I would also be helping innocent people. It worked out for everyone—everyone besides, obviously, those who deserved it more that me.

Suddenly, I wasn't so furious at Mello. He competed against Near day after day, longer than I'd even been here. It was probably frustrating for him to lose to Near, to always be second place. To be ridiculed every time he lost to that boy, so infuriatingly small and smugly clever. I'd been angered by Near's seemingly effortless abilities as well, and tried to imagine that every day, five times as bad, on top of endless teasing.

The anger melted away completely, and I registered this surprisingly quick change in Mello's reflective eyes. One moment, beyond rage at myself and him, and the next, pitying and apologetic. He was unsure what to do about the change, not liking the sorrow in my eyes. "Ever?" Mello muttered. There was nothing else that he could say.

I shook my head, unfamiliar hair wiping my face. I didn't like the wig and I longed to take it off, but some stubborn part of me wanted to stay in disguise, hoping that when I took it off, this swarm of feelings that I felt towards Mello would disappear. The longing, the pity, and the curiosity to know him. It would all go away. I managed to convince myself this, so felt the feelings freely for these few moments.

"Mello, I'm sorry. Even if you're the winner, that gives me no right to lash out like that and—"

Unexpectedly, he heaved a sigh, mixed annoyance with disappointment. "I'm not the winner. There's a reason why the school's not in an uproar, and that's 'cause, once again, the amazing Near has managed to defeat me." Heavy sarcasm was in his tone when he continued, "Big. Whoop." He spoke the last words through clenched teeth, muffling them with undeniable rage. Maybe he hated Near more than I thought.

Suddenly, the disguise wasn't enough. I wanted to let it be me and Mello, without this stupid cosplay-outfit separating us, making us seem like strangers.

That thought struck me hard. Because we _are_ strangers. I didn't know Mello, and he didn't know me. We wrote a letter or two back and forth, so what? We met once in a garden, exchanged a few words, had a couple classes together, but I knew nothing about him besides his allegiances and his place in the House. Nothing besides his name, and not even that. And he knew just as little about me. We were strangers, and there was no reason for the need to comfort him.

The disguise kicked back in. "That would be the day," I commented flatly.

Mello glared at me in disbelief. The reflective surface of his wonderfully blue eyes showed that my expression had changed once more to cold hard indifference. I looked as if my inner conflict had not taken place at all. So my acting abilities had yet to desert me. "Leave me alone," he growled, the fury towards Near replaced by fury and indecision towards me. He couldn't figure me out, I noted smugly, but then again, neither could I. We were even, neither of us knowing what went on with me.

"I could ask the same."

"I didn't _want_ to be stalked."

"It was for my own purpose."

"Everything's for _your_ own purpose! You're toying with me just to see how many reactions you can get by saying these things that don't make sense!"

I stared at him. A few others on the street did too but passed us off as a bickering, strange, cosplaying couple. At least Mello's skin-tight leather clothes matched me a bit. Not that I wanted to match him.

"You think that?" I mumbled quietly to myself. I felt my head droop a bit, my shoulders sag, and the intensity of the fight left me in those very words. Without looking back at him, I turned towards Wammy House. It was Sunday. I had the whole day to sleep away. Sleep sounded very good right about now. This throbbing headache would not do for tomorrow's lessons.

"Wait! I—Ever…"

The stupid headache was making me hear voices. There's no way Mello would even be near me after this. I knew what he thought of me. He probably thought my words were true, and some of them were, but all the wrong ones. So I walked back to the orphanage for mentally gifted and dragged myself to Watari and Roger's office. Or at least, it was an office, but neither of theirs. It was just where, if you wanted one of them, they'd usually be there.

Watari was the one to call me in when I knocked. He noticed my atrocious outfit and expression but said nothing. "My pen pal is Mello," I said without a doubt. Though my voice was tired, it was certain.

He nodded. "Correct. Although you ware the fourth to answer, that was very clever. You answered before even the fourth and fifth placed, and you are sixth."

"I know how to count," I sighed drearily, ready to head back out.

"Ever?" Watari called before my hand was on the doorknob.

"Yes?" I replied, not turning around yet.

"I'm mentioning this because you do not seem in the best of moods, Ever," he said slowly. Slower than usual, at least. I turned the slightest bit, letting him know that he had my attention. "There is someone coming here in just a few moments. I'd like you to meet him."

I fully faced Watari now, eyebrows raised. "Why?"

He smiled; something he rarely ever did. "I'm sure you'd like to meet the person you may well someday replace."

My eyes widened.

_Watari wants me to meet L?_

* * *

My friends are in love with this story, so I decided to finally post it. I've been writing it for a while, but I realized that if I keep writing, my interests don't fail. :) So I bring you sтoяyьooк δυστυχία. The first word is _storybook_ in fancy letters and the second word is Greek for _misery_ or _misfortune_. I post chapter two when I finish chapter three, and three when I finish four, and so on. I'm not so sure about the length because the chapters are so long (about 18 pages on Word), so I'm taking a wild guess of around seven chapters or so, unless I think of something complicated and logical enough to keep a certain person alive. ;)


	2. The Master of Feelings

_Chapter Two: The Master of Feelings_

My mind was racing. How could I meet L _now?_ Only know was I realizing how ridiculous I must look in my cosplay-type clothes. Their purpose had been to hide me from Mello's prying eyes. The costume hadn't done its job right, anyway. But I had no reason to be wearing it. I knew I probably looked very indecent. Not to mention that L was going to be here soon… What would his first impression be, seeing me like this? A whirlwind of thoughts streaked through my head in less than half a second and I stared up at Watari, eyes huge.

"Not now!" I cried. He was surprised by my tone. Briefly, I wondered how he couldn't see the problem. It was so obvious! One glance at me should tell him! "Look at me, Watari."

He did, his face changing expressions from curiosity and surprise at my behavior to pure shock. "Ever! What are you wearing that… that… thing for?" he stuttered. I was sure that no one in the history of Wammy House had been wild enough to dress up like this. Or maybe there was and they were just so sneaky they never got caught. Either way, surprising Watari like that gave me enough entertainment to smile.

"Yeah, I'm a wild thing," I joked, weariness in my tone. "Could I change quickly? Once L is gone, I'll explain the outfit…" The old man nodded, a bit wary. Before he changed his mind about letting me see L, I rushed upstairs, throwing my stuff around until I found a light blue t-shirt and dark jeans. The outfit's chunky shoes made noises as I scrambled around my room so I kicked them off, breaking _something_ in the process, and slipping on sneakers. The socks from the outfit remained but no one would see them, anyway.

Reaching for the handle, I noticed that my buckle-gloves were still on and I pulled them off, frustrated. It seemed to be taking me longer than I hoped. I caught a glance of myself in the mirror and ripped off the wig angrily. I was going to see L—there was no room to be careless. But as I did, I hadn't noticed a few strands of hair wrapped around on of my cross-shaped earrings that went with my costume. Screaming out in pain, I felt the skin of my ear tear. I sucked in a sharp breath, carefully taking out the other one before glancing at myself in the mirror. There was nothing else, but my ear was bleeding.

I grabbed a tissue out of a box I didn't even know I had laying around and held it to my ear as I ran back down, wound throbbing in time to my fast-paced heartbeat. At the bottom, I could see Matt talking with Mello, past the front doors as they walked in through the gates. Avoiding them, I sped up and burst into Watari's office. He glanced up in surprise. I'd been surprising him lately, hadn't I? At his age, I wasn't sure how many more surprises he could take before he got a heart attack… Oh, well.

For an old man, though, he had sharp eyes. The first thing he noticed, besides my abrupt entrance, was my bleeding ear. It probably would've stopped by now if it wasn't for the running and my racing heart. I was still breathing a bit off tempo when the doors behind me squeaked open, shocking me and making my heart beat even faster. The sight that awaited me was an astonishment, and yet not because I'd seen this man, but it was still strange to see such an oddly bent human.

It was the first mailman. Spiky black hair, very pronounced dark circles under his eyes which were huge and the pupils were smaller than I'd've thought normal, and wearing the same long sleeved white polo and jeans. His posture was the same, hunched over. Looking down, I noticed that his feet were bare, just like the first time I saw him. The first mailman was L. It wasn't something noticeable unless you were expecting it. He gave off the very feeling of L, somehow, under that abnormality.

And when he spoke, it sounded normal. "Watari? Who's this?" Yet very L-like in ways unexplainable. My knees nearly buckled beneath me and not because of the rush I'd been in to look presentable for _the_ L. Not because of the blood loss and lightheadedness I was experiencing from it. The bleeding had slowed, anyway. It just throbbed a bit.

No. I nearly fell over because this was just so…

_Funny._

I burst out laughing, leaning on the wall for support. My mirth was so great that I even forgot about my torn ear. For a moment, even, I forgot that the greatest detective alive was in the same room. Though, I don't know if it's possible to forget. Some part of myself that remained sensible screamed at me to stop laughing, that I was in the presence of who everyone in this orphanage wanted to be.

Eventually, after about thirteen seconds, I stopped laughing and entered an abrupt, awkward silence. Then I started apologizing. "I'm so very sorry! I just couldn't… help… my… self…" I'd slowed down because L was grinning at me. Unexplainably grinning at me, no fakeness in the expression. He looked genuinely curious about what had just gone on in my insane mind.

"Watari?" L asked again.

"Ever," he replied promptly. "Sixth in line to succeed you, L."

"…interesting."

Panic built up in me. Was that meant in a good or bad way? My heart started beating again, faster than it should, and the blood began flowing again. I felt something drip on my shoulder and pulled the tissue away. It was soaked. "Oh!" I hissed. Frantically, I looked around for a trash can. It was next to Watari's desk, across the room, so I ran over and threw out the tissue covered in blood. I was painfully aware of the other two peoples' stares.

"Perhaps you should go see the nurse…" the old man suggested. Horrified, I glanced at L and they both caught my meaning. _And miss my chance to talk to _the _L?!_ Watari sighed, but L said something incredibly unpredictable.

"I'll take her," he offered. Watari's eyes grew in size, his expression reflecting my thoughts. _What?_

"You will?" I clarified, speaking slowly. It wasn't every day someone got to meet L, let alone have him escort you to the nurse. Now, both were happening. And to _me_, of all people!

"Of course," L answered with a nod. "Watari?"

"Go right ahead. But… Remember, L. The reason you came here."

The strange man nodded shortly and then motioned for me to follow him out. I walked briskly to his side, twitching a bit when a drop of blood landed on my shoulder. He noticed my discomfort and we started towards the nurse once he shut the door. "What did you do?" he asked, sounding perfectly normal.

Something about it just wasn't that normal.

"Ripped it," I said, flushing when I realized how blunt and unexplained that was. "I mean, I was rushing and accidentally pulled my earring off…" I trailed off, embarrassed. And in front of L! I dug my nails into my palm, clearing my thoughts and letting out a breath. Now I was okay. There were no distractions… "To tell the truth, I was kind of following someone for the game you planned out for us. With the pen pals. So I had a disguise on when Watari offered for me to meet out. When I took my wig off, the earring came off with it."

L seemed genuinely interested again. "You were that flustered about meeting me?"

"Well, yes," I replied, raising my eyebrows. With a clear head, it was much easier to talk. "Anyone would be. You're the person we all want to be." He then took on a blank expression and I stared at his face for a moment.

The clear-headedness vanished in that moment. I hadn't notice the stray book at my feet and I tripped on it. Surprisingly, L caught me before I landed on my face and made a worse fool of myself than I already had. He had quick reflexes for someone so hunched. Past him, I caught a glimpse of blonde hair and felt my face heat up. L stood me up straight and I regained the clearness I'd had before falling. Just because I'd seen blonde hair didn't mean that it had to be Mello. That was like paranoia, which I did _not_ need right about now.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, continuing to walk with my head down. I may be thinking straight but that didn't take away the embarrassment of the situation. "I'm usually not like this. It must be the fact that you're around."

"So you're accusing me."

"Not at—!" I started to exclaim, spinning to face him. But I spun to fast and whacked him with my hair. How many times can a person make a fool of themselves in less than two minutes? And yet, L was smirking.

"I'm joking." Something about L joking didn't seem right to me, but I accepted it as readily as I would accept anything else he said. "But back to the stalking."

"I was _not_ stalking him," I retorted huffily. "Who would ever_ want_ to?"

"Mello didn't seem to think so."

I stared at him for a moment. "You chose the partners, right?" That explained how he'd know. But L shook his head. "Then how…?"

"Would you like to know?" he asked with a slight smile. I nodded, still bewildered. "When I said you were stalking the person, you said 'him'. That lowered it to a little more than half the Wammy House occupants. By the way you added on to that, it made me assume that he'd irritated you. The only way to stalk someone—"

"Which I was not doing," I mumbled under my breath, making L's smile widen.

"—is if they left the building. You would not be partnered with someone of low status, considering your position. I assumed that they would partner Near, Mello, and Matt with those of the top ten, of which you are included. Of those people, the irritating ones would be Mello and Near, for different reasons, but Mello is more likely to go outside. Therefore, your pen pal is Mello."

"And on the off chance that it was Near?" I challenged.

He smirked. "By your expression, it was Mello."

I sighed. "You could only figure this one out because you know him so well. If it was something like the Kira case—" Catching myself in time, I didn't finish that thought. It would've been an unspeakable topic around L, and to insult him was an offence in itself. To mention the Kira case as well…

"Yes, I'll have to be more careful," he replied slowly. I glanced at his face which was sobered up. "Ah, but I know who Kira is." My eyes grew three times their regular size. I wanted to tell L to be quiet, to not say any more, but at the same time, I wanted to know… "But I don't have the _proof_. Soon, though…" Abruptly, I noticed that we'd been standing still for a while.

"L…?"

"We've been standing here since you said "And on the off chance that it was Near?" and that is because…" He swept a hand towards the door in front of us. "We are at the nurse's office."

I bowed shortly. "Thank you, L."

"For what?"

"Actually talking to me. I never dreamed to ever even meet you in person!"

"You are one of the few," he nodded.

"Who else?" I wondered.

"Only one, knowingly. Near and Mello have talked to me only through a computer, and that was once."

"Am I that important?" Of course, I was awed that I would get such an honor as to talk to L, in person, when the two most intelligent hadn't even.

L shrugged. "Be careful with your other ear," he warned and then left, walking oddly with that strange hunch of his. I smiled, chuckling at this abnormalities and that warning. It was completely eccentric, like the rest of him. L was not what I expected L to be. He was that, and so much more… interesting. Not as dull and studious or as old as I had imagined.

I sat in the nurse's office while she fussed over me. She was particularly annoyed by my refusal of the bandage. Although I insisted many times that I would be fine, she did not let it go. Eventually, about forty five minutes later, she gave up and let me go. It was a relief to be out of the medical smell and I half-skipped back to Watari's office. Nobody was there, though, so I sighed and went back up to my room and studied the day away. There were some big tests happening soon and though I normally did not study, ever, L's visit had strengthened me. I wanted more than ever to succeed him.

The meeting with L was not what I expected but any meeting with him was worth tearing an earlobe. Not that I would do it on a daily basis just to see him. That would be obsessive. But studying to become L was not… _as _compulsive. Everyone in Wammy House had a fixation with L to a certain point—we all wanted to be him, so it made absolute sense. After spending just a few moments with L, I knew he was unusual. It made me feel better about being unusual knowing that the person I idolized was exceptionally so. Eventually, I noticed that it was getting difficult to read, so I looked outside. It was getting dark. Instead of pulling an all-nighter, studying, I thought I might get some sleep. I'd heard that it was good for you, and I'd studied more than enough.

When I woke up, I awoke with a wonderful feeling. The kind of feeling that lets you know that the day is going to be great. Just from that feeling, I was suspicious, but I felt too good to put it out of mind. For once, I allowed this strange onslaught of happiness. I was practically giddy as I skipped down the stairs by twos, pencil in hand. All we needed this week would be something to write with. We were evaluating our skills and I intended to rise in position. It was Monday so I had testing with Mello. However, that didn't discourage me as much as it should have. Now I had L on my side. Or at least, that's what it felt like. Somehow.

I managed to walk up to my seat without even looking in Mello's direction—which was admittedly difficult—and sat down. Our tests were fairly challenging but thanks to last night's lazy studying rather than a quick cram session before the test, I knew most everything. I'd never breezed through a test so easily. All too soon, it was over. Glancing around, I noted that not many other people were finished. Besides Near, Mello, and Matt, that is. I was the fourth to finish. Soon, Ruby raised her head and placed her pencil down. I smiled, glad that my only female friend had gotten through it just as easily.

Wait, _only female friend_? One would only assume that I have male friends, then, right? But I don't. Maybe it was just me being too stubborn to call Mello anything but a friend. A loose term. I meant it in the way that I knew him, spoke to him occasionally, but not close. Not like Ruby, so I couldn't consider him… a friend. So then what was he? The morning's feelings were dissipating. I was getting discouraged. These thoughts weren't doing anything to help me get along. With the new weight of unhappy thoughts, the rest of the tests would drag on wearily. That was unfortunate.

Stupid Mello, messing up my thoughts and all. Plus, for the rest of the day, I wouldn't be able to escape this feeling of something staring intensely at me. More like glaring, but that made it sound like someone hated me. And there was only one person who might hate me… Slowly, I turned. My curiosity over Mello had gotten the best of me. With my train of thought, I was bound to look, and it was just one peek, to know if it was really him glaring.

I regret it.

When I looked, Mello had the strangest look in his brilliant, reflective blue eyes. Hate, worry, frustration mixed into one. There were some other, small amounts of emotion that I couldn't detect, but I could notice those three. The hate and frustration were understandable. I felt the same towards him and I would've been glaring out of hate and frustration as well if I was behind him. Unluckily, I wasn't, so I couldn't glare. The worry was strange. There was nothing to worry about, really. Unless it had nothing to do with me and I was just being conceited, thinking that the worry was for _me_, of all people. But I wasn't exactly subtle about looking at him and he saw me right away. How couldn't he?

We both froze, aware of each other's gaze. I was sure that my expression was unreadable because even I couldn't separate the pity from the affection, the irritation from the hate. Which was which? For this I was glad, and I was also glad that Mello often let his emotions get the better of him. Only now, though. There were times when that trait did not go down well. But now… I could see exactly what he was feeling. Disgust, uncertainty, longing, forgiveness, anger, exasperation, and go-away. These emotions were all apparent in his eyes for the half a second I got to look into them—and then I turned away, my heart pounding just like it had when I'd run up and down stairs with a bleeding, torn ear.

Speaking of which, that was a nice distraction. My fingers went up to my left ear, split from the hole (which was thankfully low) to the end of my ear. It wasn't very big and it shouldn't have bled so much since ears did not carry much blood. Excitement and running had made my blood pump extraordinarily fast and had made it bleed a lot more than it should have. It'd left me a bit dizzy, another reason why I'd spent forty-five minutes with the nurse, arguing. She was probably still annoyed with me for not letting her bandage it but it would look so stupid with a big white thing wrapped around it when it was little more than a paper-cut. An abnormally deep—very deep—paper-cut, but a paper-cut nonetheless. And like all paper-cuts, it looked kind of cool, really.

But, unfortunately, it was what had caught Mello's attention and worried him enough to talk to me about it. After the testing was over, he quickly ran down the stairs, nearly flying down them, to my desk. I had no choice but to be modest and look up at him. His eyes were full of fury for some unfathomable reason. "Mello?" I blinked.

"What happened to your ear?" he demanded straight away. His voice was commanding, like an older brother who wanted to know who had hurt his sister. Yes… An older brother. That was a very nice idea.

"I tore it myself," I answered, not feeling as nervous as when he'd practically jumped to my side.

"Not on purpose?" He glared, looking me straight in the eyes and I gave him a look of contempt.

"No. By accident. I was in a hurry to see…" I trailed off, unsure if I should mention L.

Even though I decided against it, I just nearly told Mello when he snorted and looked away. "Okay. Well, the next time you go off to see your secret boyfriend, be careful not to get _too_ excited," he said bitterly and stalked off.

He was out the door quicker than I would've expected and behind me, I could hear Matt's chair squeaking along the ground. I shut my eyes tightly. What just happened? Mello misunderstood, but maybe that was a good thing. Until I got permission to speak about L's visit, I wouldn't tell Mello. The fact that L had come to Wammy House for business with Watari had to be important for him not to even see his three favorite students. For once, there was not a hint of jealously in that thought. Usually I would hate the idea of there being five people better than me. Now I was too preoccupied with Mello's mood swings to deal with them.

"Hey!"

"Whoa…" I moved back a step, surprised to find a gloved hand waving in my face. After a few blinks, I focused on the face beyond the hand. Matt was giving me a concerned look, but it was probably for Mello and not for me. There would never be a reason for Matt to worry about me.

"What did you say to Mello?"

Straightforward, huh? "I told him that I ripped my ear while hurrying to see someone," I replied without a clue of what his urgency meant. Then he groaned very loudly, confusing me further. "What?"

"You're _dense_, you idiot." Well that was insulting. "Maybe neither of you realize it, but you're both fucking dense. So damn dense," he hissed, seething, and then spun on his heel, out the door with the same speed as Mello. As far as I could tell, his anger was at both of us. For being dense. About what, I didn't know, but dense people tended not to know what was going on around them. I pursed my lips, frustrated because I didn't know what was happening. Matt was right—I was missing out on something. Something important, and this definitely fell under the 'dense' category.

Sighing loudly when my pencil suddenly snapped in my hand, I went to throw it away. A few splinters had gotten under my skin and there was one particular one in the middle of my palm that I couldn't get out. It was annoying. I'd broken my pencil without meaning to so now I had to go up to my room, four stories up, get a new one, and come back down again for the last test. Then we had lunch and the rest of the day was free. That was how the testing weeks went by. Usually, though, I didn't meet up with some damn confusing boy who made me feel strangely like never before, who had a best friend that seemed to know things about us neither of us realized, I normally didn't tear my ear, and I _generally_ didn't snap pencils without warning.

A little change was nice once in a while but this change was not one of those changes 'for the better.' Unless you counted your first life crisis as a good change, this was definitely 'for the worst.'

That didn't stop me from the morning's determination, though. I still wanted to be L's successor, no matter what. There is no person I would accept losing to—not that cheater, Near; not the mentally uncertain Mello; not the sympathetic, usually quiet but caring Matt, even. If I lost to myself, sure. But Wammy House was made to compete and not to just help yourself get better. To win, I'd have to beat all the others. Was I up to that? I didn't know. Not until I had to know.

So I pushed all the depressing thoughts out of my head. I _was_ going to beat them all. I _would_ figure Mello out. I will no longer be dense about whatever Matt was talking about. That one most of all. It wasn't exactly fun for someone else to know something about you that _you_ didn't. With this train of thought, I sped back down the stairs. Oddly, though, neither Matt nor Mello had returned by the time the last test began. It wasn't as if I was worried that they'd drop a place—this could be to my advantage—but considering my situation with the two of them, I had to admit. I was slightly worried.

I didn't let that distract me during the testing, though. Not a thought about them entered my mind as I worked through the problems at a faster pace than before, even. Without the two of them in the room, I was second to finish, after Near. I took to staring at Near to keep my mind of things. As long as I was occupied, I wouldn't have to deal with messed up emotions.

He was sitting in his usual strange position, twirling a stand of hair. _As usual._ Which made me realize that I'd stared at Near before. Otherwise, how else would I know that his behavior was usual? But when…?

Oh, crap.

In all that was going on, I'd completely forgotten. When I first got to Wammy House, I was not accepted. New kids were very rare and since these people were already so tightly knit, they did not like me. I'd been alone, only approached by one person…

_Even at a young age, I was a strong girl. Though I wanted to cry _so badly_, I did not. They would like me even less if any of them liked me at all. But by the way they were treating me, they clearly didn't. I sat alone at lunch again with just an apple. It was all I dared to take. When I got my apple the first time, I noticed that the other kids slowly stopped getting apples. At the time, I wondered if they just didn't like apples. An odd trend, but I didn't mind._

_Not until I found out what they really thought about me. Right before lunch today, my third day at Wammy House, I'd asked a small group of girls if I could join their table that day. They'd stared at me like I was crazy._

"_Are you kidding? You're new. You're number forty-five, the lowest of the low," the leader-girl sneered, incredibly vicious-sounding for a seven year old. "As if _we_ would be caught near you!"_ _They laughed._

"_Oh, but I'm sure it's not that bad," I'd insisted. "I'm sure I'll get better fast. I was really smart in my town."_

"_So were we all," another one told me. "You're just smart enough to get in. You're family's dead and you're sort of smart, so that's why you're here. Just go to lunch by yourself and eat your stupid apple."_

_The rest of the girls nodded, the leader-girl jeering, and they walked away. "…I like apples." So just like they suggested, I went to lunch by myself and ate my stupid apple. I threw out the core and went back to the empty table. I was like a bug repellant and all the people around me were the bugs. Not that I thought of them as bugs because I was sure some of them were nice, just too shy, but most of them weren_'_t._

_I sighed and put my cheek on the cold table's surface. Then I heard someone approaching and the person knocked on the table to get my attention. I shut my eyes tightly. "Yes?"_

"_This is my table."_

_Nearly groaning—but not—I lifted my head. Before I could gape at the sight before me, I caught myself. This was an odd boy, abnormally colored hair, wearing pajamas despite the time of day. His face was strange, full of confidence and authority but little-kid cute at the same time. The boy's skin was a pale sort of color. "I'm sorry," I said and stood to move. Glancing around the room, I noted that there were no other tables open. I'd have to sit on the ground._

_But wait a second. I'd been sitting at this table for three days and yet this person had never come to tell me off. I gave him a suspicious look. "Are you just trying to get rid of me like everyone else? You never asked me to leave before and I've been here for three days," I informed him._

"_No," he replied calmly. Way too calm for a boy his age. He looked younger than me but by the look on his face, I guessed he was a year younger than me. "Why would I want to get rid of you?"_

_Startled, I just started. "We—Well because everybody else is!" I stammered. Is he blind or something? Wasn't it obvious why he might want to get rid of me? "I'm new, lowest of the low, not smart enough. Why _wouldn't_ you want to get rid of me?"_

_He shrugged. "I'm Near."_

"…_Ever."_

"_Would you like to share my table?"_

"…_I guess."_

"_Good. We can play together."_

_My heart was pounding. The first person to even try talking to me was the oddest person I could spot, but that was okay. As long as someone was nice… Too nice. This wouldn't last long. Not when he knew everything about me. Then he'd leave me and act like everyone else. "Play what?" I asked, still doubtful._

"_Finger puppets." Near reached into his pocket and pulled out a few. _

"…_really?"_

"_Really." That was when I felt the strangest feeling ever. Like complete elation, my heart beating so fast that my throat closed up for a moment. Later, when I asked Ruby what this feeling was, she said it was called a crush._

I hadn't been wrong. After about a week, other people noticed that I was getting along with Near. Everyone knew Near and if I was friends with him, that made me 'cool.' Near wasn't the one to leave me. Somehow, it had happened the other way around when Ruby started talking to me. I said sorry to Near and sat with Ruby during lunch. My only friend. Ruby had never really liked Near much so I drifted away from him. Then I forgot. I blended in with the others, not really close to them but at least accepted.

But I'd forgotten Near who was technically my first love.

How could I have? When he was the first one to talk to me… I wondered if he ever forgave me. I wondered if he ever minded. I wondered if he cared that I'd stopped being friends with him. I wondered if he still remembered. So long away from him had probably distanced us. No doubt it had distanced us. We had nothing in common anymore. He sat at his table, alone as any other time. Except that week he sat with me. He wasn't alone then. Again, I wondered if he ever minded.

"E-_ver_!" someone hissed. Suddenly I jerked out of my reverie and found that Near was staring straight back at me. I flushed and swept my gaze across the room to make it seem as if I'd just been spacing after the test but I froze. Mello had returned, along with Matt. Their expressions were polar opposites. Mello's was furious, full of rage, and his knuckles were turning white as he gripped the edge of the desk. The boy beside him was sighing as if someone had just made the stupidest mistake of their life.

And I had.

I was feeling that same heart-racing elation as I had with Near back then but a hundred times stronger. It was getting hard to look at him. I quickly turned my head away, noticing Matt's smug look as I did. He knew something about me that I didn't again. Was I that easy to read? It didn't matter. I'd have to ask Ruby, the knowledge guru, what this was. Once class was over, I rushed down to her, fast as lightening.

"Geez, Ever. I bet half the class heard me whispering for you. But you just wouldn't stop staring at Near…" There was a hint of jealously in her voice and my eyes widened. Since when would Ruby ever be jealous of me staring at Near? But I shook that away.

"Remember way back when I was friends with Near?" She thought hard but then finally nodded, slowly, as if she wasn't sure where this was going. "And remember when I asked you what that feeling was where my heart beat fast and I felt extremely happy?" Ruby nodded again, slower, realization and disappointment spreading across her face. What in the world was she _thinking_? "What's it called when you feel that, just a hundred times stronger?" I was speaking fast now, almost too nervous to ask at all. I wasn't nervous enough to not notice the way her face fell.

"You like Near?" she whispered.

"Like _Near_?" I repeated, eyebrows raised. The puzzle pieces fit together in my head. The jealously when she spoke of my staring at Near, the slow nodding when I asked about my feelings which were connected to Near (in the beginning), the disappointment… Oh, God. How had this happened? Ruby liked Near. "No! It's… someone else," I hissed, saying the last part quietly. People were filing out now, loud enough that no one listening could've heard that. Luckily.

"Oh." Her face lightened up, but she also had a look of confusion on her face, as if she couldn't understand why she was suddenly happy about it. She was clearly in denial. Was this how Matt could tell things about me that I, myself, didn't know? If that was the case, I'd have to be more careful. "Well, that's called love."

I froze, and my heart missed a couple beats. "Lo—love?" I choked out.

Ruby looked at me weirdly. "That's right… Why? What's wrong?"

I shook my head frantically. "I can't. I can't love him!" I groaned. But I knew she was right. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. This was what Matt knew and I didn't. This was why he'd smirked like that when I connected the feeling of crushing to whatever I felt for Mello. "So love—" The word was hard to say. "—is like having a crush but just really, really strong?"

"Pretty much."

"_Daaaaamn_," I hissed, and then snaked around the people filing out and ran out the door.

"Ever?" I heard someone call behind me. Naturally, it was Ruby. She'd be worried after I asked such strange questions and then rushed out, except I didn't have time to be concerned with what Ruby now thought of me. It wasn't as if she'd never experienced my strangeness before. I just needed to figure things out about myself, first. For example: do I love Mello?

I stopped, out of breath, in the orphanage's garden. It was an unexpected place to stop. Where I first really talked to Mello. Then I remembered something my mother told me, before she died. While she was sick with the unknown illness, she had a few moments of sanity. There was a day when the topic of my father came up and she told me something.

"_Things often happen unexpectedly, or they happen so quickly that you deny it. It doesn't feel like it's real. Like when I fell in love with your father, before he was drunk, it happened so quickly… Things like love can't be controlled. Often times, you talk with someone, only exchange a couple words, but before you know it, you fall in love with them. It only takes one moment, one turning point, for you to fall in love. Understand?"_

_I nodded gravely. "Yeah."_

_She blanked out for half a minute. When she regained consciousness, her illness was back in full force. My mother stared at me with disgust and rage. "You're disgusting! Get out of my house! Who are you?!" She stood up suddenly, wavering for just a moment as she'd gotten up too quickly. But it didn't last long and she grabbed a vase full of water and flowers. She turned it upside down, holding it like a weapon, and the contents spilled out._

_I ran out of the house and heard the vase crash into the door as I slammed it close, running down the street to my cousin, where it was safe._

A long sigh escaped my lips. For some reason, I felt a weight lifted off of me. The problems of my family and past no longer bothered me. It was… incredibly strange. Before this moment, I would've been sobbing. The intensity of what had happened—my father dying in a drunk-driving accident, my mother's illness getting the better of her and killing my cousin Jason, and then killing herself, like Jason's mother had—was heartbreaking to me. Jason's mother was my mom's sister. They'd had the same disease and both ended up committing suicide, neither of them by choice. The sickness made them do it.

It was Jason who'd taught me about numbers and trigged my abilities. My memorization skills came into play when he taught me multiplication and from the moment he showed me, I became intelligent beyond my years. That was why numbers held so much meaning for me and were my strongest point. I'd usually hate thinking about this, but now it was as if I got over it all.

And with a clear head, I knew the answer to my question.

"I love Mello," I whispered to myself. Like my mother told me, it had come at me without warning. When I talked to Mello in the garden the first time, I felt a little bit of it, but when I went out to follow him… I really felt it. That was the turning point when I fell in love with him.

"You're not as dense as I thought, then." I spun around. Matt was standing there with his goggles up and arms crossed, smiling that stupid smug smile again. "At least, you realized it before I thought you would. Isn't it strange how it seems you're always the last one to know who you're in love with?"

Slowly, I nodded. A while ago, it'd clicked what Matt was talking about so I wasn't confused anymore. But I still couldn't understand why he was talking to me… "Why're you talking to me?" I asked bluntly.

He dropped the smile and sighed. "You're in love with my best friend," Matt shrugged. "Although, _why_, I don't understand."

"At least we're on the same page," I muttered.

"Wow," he chuckled. "Honestly, you're not the type of girl I imagined for Mello."

"What did you image?" I wondered, interested.

"Some punk-ass girl who swore every other word."

I couldn't help but laugh and be slightly surprised. "No, I'm nothing like that, but… Why?"

It was Matt's turn to be surprised. "_Why?_ Man, have you _not_ talked to Mello or something?" He shook his head. "The guy's good enough to be one of those stupid American rappers."

"He's never sworn around me…" Did he not feel comfortable around me? Strangely, I felt myself lose some confidence. Not as if I had any to begin with, but if Mello didn't feel comfortable enough around me to swear, as odd as that sounds, then there must be something wrong with me. And that was never a good thing.

"Oh, right. He's got a habit of not swearing around certain people." Matt sighed dramatically. "If only I could be in that category. I've started swearing, myself, thanks to him."

"…certain people?"

"Yeah. The people he considers high authority, like Watari or L, and the people he really likes. I knew 'im before his parents died, and he swore back then around me. But he never swore around his parents."

I was quiet for a bit. "So Mello really likes me? Or at least, enough not… to swear?"

"If you ignore how weird that sounds, yes," Matt confirmed.

"Oh, man…" I felt my face heat up.

He chuckled. "You're blushing."

"I know!" I snapped, embarrassed. "I just… like that too much."

Unexpectedly, he groaned. "Okay, this is where I draw the line," he said. "We're talking about my best friend. I'm not some girl giving you advice on your love life, okay? I'm certainly not going to act like _your_ friend and gossip about Mello. I'd have to agree when you say 'Oh my God, isn't he _soooo_ hot?' and all sorts of things." At the end, Matt shuddered.

But I was laughing hysterically. "Oh, man, the way you imitated a girl…" I was bent over laughing, my stomach starting to hurt. It was unfortunate that the image of me and Matt doing make-overs and talking about how great Mello's body was popped into my head then. I literally fell over laughing. "Oh, geez." By now I was crying from the laughter. The image was just too funny. Eventually, I slowed to giggles, calm enough to stand back up.

"Sorry, Matt," I apologized through the slowing giggles. They were now occasional little chuckles. "That was just too funny. And don't worry, I'm not like _that_ either. Besides, I have Ruby."

"Seventh?" Matt got a thoughtful look on his face. "Come to think of it, she's rather dense, too. Taking longer than you… She probably deserves seventh. I think you should be higher. Most people are in denial for longer than you. If they're not smart."

I glared. "I accept your compliment, but don't diss Ruby. She's stubborn and thinks that love—" The word was still hard to say. "—will slow her down."

Matt shrugged nonchalantly. "Not as if I care. Maybe she is smart. But you don't think that love will slow you down?" he asked, choosing his words carefully.

And I thought about it. "That depends," I replied slowly. "I'm the only one that loves Mello—it's not the other way around." Matt made a face but I ignored it. "So I suppose it would be more of a burden on my shoulders and it would affect my decisions concerning Mello. As long as that's the case, yes, love will slow me down. But it's not as if it will affect things for the time being. All that's going on is testing." I shrugged. "It's not as if something drastic will happen and I'll do some stupid things."

Matt snorted. "You'll do stupid things either way," he commented, and as I was about to protest, he continued, "But we all do. So for now, your train of thought is this: It's okay if I love as long as it doesn't drag me down, and if it does, I'll try my best to not let it. Am I right?" I nodded. "Good. So when that something drastic happens, I'll do my best to give you a choice—to let you decide if it's okay for love to slow you down, or if it's not." He put his hands in his pockets. "See ya."

I stared at his back as he walked away, eyebrows raised. Had I just become friends with Matt, thanks to the similar feeling of caring for Mello? It was great that Mello had a good a friend as Matt, even if he was a bit strange. But the reassurance that I had someone on my side was nice, so I went up to my room, content. Then I remembered that I hadn't had lunch and the contentedness disappeared. If I went, I'd see Mello for the first time while knowing that I loved him. What a fool I would make of myself…

Well, I wasn't all that hungry, anyway. Skipping lunch wouldn't affect me. Dinner was in six hours. I'd had breakfast (I think) so I could last. I went up to my room to wait it out, lying on my bed with my hands under my head, just staring up at the ceiling. Soon enough, with no school or anything better to do, I drifted into sleep. When I woke up, the sun was still out but showing signs of going down very soon. That meant it was past six, when they started serving dinner. You could go down any time you wanted, of course, but I knew for a fact that Mello went around six thirty. I shot a glance at my alarm clock on the bedside table.

Damn. Six thirty-two. My stomach growled in protest and I couldn't seem to remember eating breakfast. What had I been thinking when I skipped lunch? I groaned along with my stomach, turning on my side and counting every single second until I lost track of the time, only going, "Forty-seven, forty-eight, forty-nine, fifty, fifty-one, fifty-two…" until sixty and then restarting. Counting did its job, alright, because when I looked again, it was seven thirteen. I smiled at my success and started downstairs. By the time I reached downstairs, there were around seven people and none of them were Mello.

Again, I smiled. There would no reason for me to face him until tomorrow, and by then I should have gotten my poker face and avoidance technique sorted out. I didn't like the idea of lying to Mello or avoiding him but I needed my concentration if I wanted to surpass every other person in Wammy House. For some reason, my confidence had deteriorated and I felt as if I had a less chance of doing so. Near's placement was understandable. Underneath that tough exterior, I knew Mello was smart—he'd figured me out in two letters and knew it was me even in a disguise. Matt, although he seemed lazy and uncaring about what happened to him, he was just such a wonderful friend that he would make sure to stick with Mello. That meant staying the third most talented student at Wammy House.

So, if I managed to rise at all, as long as I got to fourth placement, I would be satisfied. Even moving up by two placements was a big deal. Although my standards had suddenly lowered, I wasn't bothered by it. Managing to beat Near, or Matt, even, would result in an uproar. Wammy House hardly needed an uproar, much less one caused by me. It would be a miracle, no doubt, and I was sure that I would be accused of cheating. A terrible crime that I would never commit, not even to reach number one status.

Thoughts of 'what if's were welcome. They occupied my mind, just like staring at Near had. However, staring at Near had resulted in something both unfortunate and fortunate at the same time. I couldn't tell if loving Mello was a good thing or not, but by being away from him while realizing this was making it a lot easier not to love him. My feelings would slowly deteriorate this way until the moment that I did not have a speck of affection for him. Those were nice thoughts, and yet not. My heart was beating very fast. Faster than it should, and it was all because I was thinking of Mello. I felt like that short role of a crushing schoolgirl while I watched Mello was coming true.

Spotting Ruby, I was able to push the feelings away and replace them with relief. I sat down in front of her with a heap of food on my tray. She'd been looking at the table, staring at it hard, and so the first thing she noticed was the pile of food, so big that it was perfect for two people. I'd done that unconsciously, thanks to my growling stomach and unthinking mind, but not it worked out wonderfully. "Hungry?" I asked her, trying to act cool as if I'd done it on purpose.

But Ruby saw through me and looked up, a barely noticeable smirk on her face. "You pig. It's all the food _you_ like," she noted flatly.

I frowned slightly. "I thought you like what I like. Unless you were just saying that. And lying. Lying to _me_, Ever, your best friend," I gasped dramatically, earning a small smile from her instead of that stupid, contemplating look. "That's no good, you know."

She let out a long sigh, the smile leaving her face. Did I say something wrong? "I know I'm no good."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I never said _you're_ no good. I said lying to you best friend was." Ruby looked up at me with guilt written across her face. "And that was joke… What's the matter?" I was truly concerned. Earlier, I'd realized that Ruby liked Near. The face she was pulling was one that I had made before I knew what the strange feelings were. It had to be connected. "Something up with Near?"

Her face grew utterly surprised and I couldn't help but smile a little smugly. I'd guessed right. "Wha—Wha—What makes you thi—think that?" she stammered, giving herself away.

I groaned. "Man, Ruby. You're like an open book," I told her with a sigh, grabbing one of the bread rolls I piled on the tray. Tentatively, and probably to avoid a few moments of conversation on a topic she most likely didn't enjoy, she took a small package of fruit snacks. I stared at it for a second. "Huh. I don't remember that one." Ruby shrugged and opened it. "But, Ruby, denial isn't very good."

"I'm not in denial," she snapped, fumbling with opening the fruit snack's packet. "There's nothing I have to be in denial about."

"…you do realize how little sense you're making?" I raised my eyebrows at her and the held out my hand. Her attempts were getting her nowhere. "I'll open it." She clutched it protectively for a short moment and then placed it angrily in my outstretch hand. I opened it easily and handed back to her. Ruby accepted it huffily. "Still stubborn as ever."

"So what if I am?" she retorted. "Maybe I like being stubborn."

"_I_ don't like it when you're stubborn," I muttered quietly. However, Ruby caught it and looked up with a hint of sadness on her face.

"Hey, Ever…" I looked up at her hopefully and she hesitated, but went on. "Whatever you may think, I do _not_ like Near."

I shook my head. "You're right," I agreed. "You don't like him."

She blinked. It wasn't the reaction she'd expected. "I am? I don't?"

"Nope. You love him."

Her expression change to annoyance and frustration and she abruptly stood up. "Ever! Don't go making decisions for me!" she hissed, furious, and stormed away. My eyes were wide. What the…?

"Hey… Ruby?" I called weakly after her. This hadn't gone as well as it had for Matt and I. Maybe if he was in my place, he could've done a better job to get Ruby to realize that she does love Near. I hadn't seen the turning point happen. In fact, I'd never seen them together. But however it had happened—maybe it happened like it had with me and Mello, through the pan pal game—it happened. Until Ruby got over her stubbornness, maybe it was better to let her be in denial. For the sake of her and Near getting along later, she'd have to figure it out herself. I sighed. "Oh, Master Love Guru Matt, am I doing it right?"

"Nice title, and yes, you're doing it right." I jumped, spinning around.

"You have a habit of appearing out of thin air when I ask life-changing questions, don't you?"

He shrugged. "And don't worry about Ruby. Some things happen best by themselves."

"You didn't feel that way about me," I commented with a slight moping tone. I hadn't had much fun with that part of realizing my feelings. Hell, I hadn't had any fun with any part of it.

Matt shrugged again. "Mello's my best friend. Near's… kind of _not_."

I smiled at the way he put it. "Oh, and Matt? I've kind of got a lot of food that I'm definitely not going to eat…" I pointed to the tray of untouched food. He grinned and sat down next to me, pulling the tray towards himself, and dug in. About halfway through, me grinning as he ate, he looked up.

"Sure you don't want any?"

I laughed. "Yeah. I'm having enough fun watching you gorge it all down," I told him and proceeded to eat my bread roll which was plenty.

* * *

A/N: _I'm just being incredibly picky with the third chapter, so while I fix that, I'll give you the second chapter. It's those last ten pages! I can't think of a legitimate reason for a certain event to take place. I think the one I have now is a bit unrealistic, but my friends think it's fine, so I'm not sure. I'm definitely going to go through a few more changes before I'm satisfied, so maybe by the middle of November or earlier. I do, in fact, have a life. :) Oh! And I'm looking for a beta, if anyone's willing. ;D_


	3. Habit

_Chapter Three: Habit_

The next few nights I slept in peace, dreaming of Matt happily eating away at a pile of food that kept replenishing itself as I sat in a corner, watching him with delight while eating a bread roll. For some reason, I thought it was funny. I'd only ever seen Matt playing video games. Lately, I hadn't seen much of this habit except after testing when he had nothing better to do. Mello hadn't come near me the entire week, even in my dreams. It was almost like he was avoiding me, too. But as much as it hurt, I was glad for it. My job was just that much easier.

And slightly disappointing. I barely dared a single glance in his direction. I wasn't even sure that I'd caught a glimpse of him since the very first day of testing when I realized, "Hey, I actually love Mello." If I had, it'd been short enough for me to forget because at this point, I wasn't sure that anything concerning Mello would just flit away, gone from my memories. My life now practically revolved around him. If he disappeared, my life's balance would be upset. Somehow, I could tell.

But it wasn't as if Mello was leaving any time soon. Today was the last day of the tests, the final one beginning in about seven minutes. This time, unlike the first day, my pencil was intact and I didn't have to rush up to get a new one. That splinter from last time was still stuck in my palm. However annoying it was, there didn't seem to be a way of getting it out. I'd gone to the nurse (who was still a bit pissed at my refusal of the bandage on my torn ear) when I was at my wit's end. Even she couldn't get it out, which frustrated her. On that day, I made a mental note never to get injured again. This woman clearly did not like me…

Besides the trip to the nurse, I had tried nothing else but my own methods, nothing which succeeded. In the six minutes remaining, now, I examined it in the well-lit room. It was deeper than I remembered it from yesterday's attempt. Had I slept with my hand in a fist and pushed in farther or something? I sighed and took up my non-broken pencil, maneuvering it around so that, eventually, the wood splinter in my palm had a chance to be gone from my palm. It was loose and just the right movement would put it far enough to the surface that I could pull it out.

"Ever?" someone whispered.

My hand jerked in surprised and I accidentally stabbed myself with the pencil. Despite the sudden, searing pain, I jerked it out. The tip was red with by blood but by some luck, the annoying splinter was stuck to the pencil by the blood. Well, I'd gotten it out, but… With gritted teeth, I looked at the small hole in my hand.

"Ever!" Now the voice was louder, surprised, and most people glanced at me. A few of them gasped, others looked away, but I felt three stares burning into me. I chose only one to look back at and it was Ruby. Her eyes were wide but I couldn't say anything. I was trying hard not to cry out. She rushed up to my seat and took me by the other hand, hurrying out the door. "I'm taking her to the nurse!" she shouted over her shoulder. Halfway out the door, I dropped the bloody pencil. How could I have been so stupid? Right after I promised myself not to get injured, too… I felt tears burn my eyes, by reflex, but I pushed the tears back.

At least Ruby's presence seemed to lessen the nurse's dislike of me. Not by much, though. For some reason, I allowed her to bandage my hand and she looked very pleased. We left, then, back in the classroom about three minutes into the final test. Neither of us talked there and back. Our last conversation left tension between us and Ruby taking me to the nurse was rather out of a kind gesture than a friendship sort of thing. As if it was something anyone would do if a classmate got hurt, and not as if we knew each other extremely well.

It was a good thing that I'd stabbed my left hand instead of my right (not saying it was a good thing…) since I wrote with my right. I was still able to do the test, still able to finish fourth in the room. By finishing fourth every time, I had a good feeling about rising to fourth place. That, at least, was a good enough accomplishment for me. I'd made sure on the first day that was okay with it and it wasn't just some half-hearted attempt to make myself feel better about not being first. Some part of me always knew that I wasn't better than them. I could still hope, at least.

After I finished (fourth), I stared at the bandage where blood had started to seep through a bit. Like a good teacher, Mrs. Bausch came slowly up the stairs of the auditorium-like, college-type classroom and stopped by my two-people desk where only I sat. "Are you okay?" she asked quietly, considerate of the students still testing.

I nodded. I didn't need a silly teacher's concern because I never really held any respect or liking towards them, but I tolerated them. She was nice enough so I smiled just a little bit. "Yeah. Just an accident," I assured her. And like a good teacher, she nodded and left. It wasn't as if she really cared _what_ happened, as long as her student wasn't badly hurt and it didn't affect her job. After another few minutes, a sigh escaped my lips. There were no distractions. I could feel two people staring at me, both of them behind me, clearly. Earlier, that third stare had been Ruby but now, she couldn't turn in her seat. Who were the other two?

Curiosity killed the cat. Well, curiosity screwed up my heartbeat. Of course, it _had_ to be Mello. Mello was watching me with obvious concern, clear on his face, and I looked straight into his eyes. His expression changed but before I could figure out the emotions on his face, he turned his head away from me. My gaze was frozen. I couldn't seem to look away from the back of his head. I couldn't help but notice how wonderfully _blonde_ his hair was while my heart beat erratically. My thoughts turned suddenly incoherent. I couldn't process what I was thinking—my mind was a blank.

This is what Mello does to me.

Not good. He didn't do this before. Before I realized that these strange feelings were love, my heart just beat incredibly fast. Now even my mind was affected. Thank god Matt was on my side. He let his chair tip forward, since he'd been leaning back and playing some new game of his, and blocked Mello from my line of sight. I let out a long, thankful sigh, and was finally able to look away. My gaze went to my hands tapping on the table. Apparently, nervous habit had returned. I'd always needed to move some part of my body when I was nervous, whether it be bouncing my leg or tapping my fingers—little, barely noticeable movement. But that had been years ago. Sometime during my stay, I'd been cured of this habit. Come to think of it, it was when I befriended Near.

I thought back to that time and the jittery feeling vanished. A slight smile came to my lips. It was nice to know that I could turn off this habit. But now my mind was clear. I could feel that last person, still staring at me. Nobody random from the class would have reason to look at me. The only reasonable person, who was not reasonable at the same time, would be… Near. Oh, crap. I slowly swept my gaze across the room, making it look like I was just bored and had nothing better to do. But as with Mello, I ended up looking Near straight in the eyes. He didn't look away like Mello had and it was easier to stare back at him. I tilted my head slightly, curious as to why he didn't turn his head away.

Then the bell rang, disrupting our stare, and I put my pencil (carefully) in my pocket. I headed down the stairs of the college-type classroom and passed Ruby's desk. It was already empty so in the time between when the bell had range, no more than thirteen seconds ago, she'd already exited the room. What was she in a hurry for? Shaking my head, I left the room as well with a mission on mind—to figure out what Near wanted. There was no other reason for him to look at me so intensely unless he needed something from me.

During lunch, I went to the front of the line. Not many people were here yet since class was only just let out and not many people went straight after the bell. They usually waited until about three in the afternoon after daily soccer games. The kids here weren't all physically challenged and it was generally the only physical activity done in Wammy House. It was like self-taught gym that I usually didn't take part in. At least, not lately. I was a rather good player, though. Distractions, distractions. Right now, I had to focus on finding Near. What he'd done was so strange that it would bug me unless I figured out what he wanted from me.

This time, instead of mindlessly piling food, I grabbed an apple. Just like my first few days. Now it held no bad memories. Realizing hat I loved Mello had, apparently, cured me of any tears trigged by my past. It was odd, but for this reason only, I thanked Mello for making me fall in love with him. I spun around and instantly spotted Near. He was still alone, still in that very spot that he'd been at when we sat together for that one week. I grimaced. Near sitting alone like that was somewhat heart-wrenching. I didn't like seeing him alone, and for a second, I felt guilty. This feeling… I didn't like to see him alone, but it was like seeing your younger brother being outcasted. And it wasn't that hard to think of him as my younger brother, given his size.

Subtly as I could, I drifted over to Near and sat down beside him. I wasn't as subtle as I thought. "Ever, what are you doing?" he asked automatically, flatly and without any real curiosity. He knew why I was here.

"Don't be a smart-aleck. What did you stare at me for?" Not to be blunt or anything…

Near paused unexpectedly. "I was curious about how you tore your ear."

That was a lie and I knew it, but I had no clue as to what the real reason was. Besides, that sounded rather believable. Many people had been asking me that same question. He must've just overheard it. But I had no proof that he was lying and couldn't play detective. "Accidentally pulled my earring out the wrong way. I forgot I had it on. Normally, I don't wear earrings." By now, I'd said it so many times, it sounded natural. He couldn't prove that I was lying, either. If he knew the true reason behind it, he'd ask why I was wearing a wig for a disguise. Then he'd find it funny how pathetically I 'stalked' Mello.

He nodded slowly. "You're lying," he accused.

"So are you," I countered. I sighed. "Neither of us will admit whatever it is we're lying about. Let's get that straight. Yes, I'm curious, but I won't ask. Truce. Friendly basis." Near stared at me a moment and then nodded again. "So how's life?" At this, he raised an eyebrow. Chuckling, I shrugged. "We're not spilling secrets so I thought I might as well make conversation… You know, you're pretty awkward to talk to."

It didn't look like he minded being called 'awkward to talk to.' Maybe he was used to it? But who in their right mind would insult Near? Not me… "Ever, please leave me alone."

I feigned hurt, though I really was hurt a bit. If _I_ was worried about being rude, how about Near? "Why?" I asked. Honestly, I wanted to know, even if it was intruding. I wouldn't leave without good reason.

Another unexpected hesitation. "No."

"No what?"

"No, don't leave me alone. I have something to ask you."

I gave him a look. "Ask away."

"…how confident are you in your abilities?"

Somehow, I knew this wasn't his real question. But at least he was asking something. Maybe later, I'd find out what his real question was. Near never asked anything—this was a major thing. "It depends. I'm confident in my abilities but if you're talking about the tests, I'm pretty sure that I will rise two placements."

"Why two?" he wondered, surprised that I'd calculated it.

"You're the most skilled and Mello hates you. He'll try to get better and better, and so he'll always remain second." By this point, I'd dropped my voice. I didn't want Mello to hear me bad-talk him, even if he wasn't around. I wasn't looking so I couldn't tell. Besides, even if I didn't mean to insult him, by stating the truth, it sounded like that. "And because Matt is so close to Mello, he will try to stay as close to him as he can. For that reason, Matt will stay a placement behind Mello so that Mello will win. Therefore, with you being so lazily smart, Mello trying so hard, and Matt's need to stay with Mello, I would only have a chance of getting fourth placement." I flashed a grin. "There you have it."

"Very thought out. I can't exactly see what you mean about Matt, though…"

I gave him an extremely surprised look. "Are you _blind_? Can't you see how much Matt cares for Mello? How close they are?"

"Maybe I don't understand because I have not experienced such friendship."

I rolled my eyes. "Near, you—"

A very, very loud bang interrupted me. I looked up abruptly. The entire room had gotten quiet. My breath caught in my throat. Mello was standing up, hands fisted on top of the table he sat at with Matt. He'd hit the table—the metal stands were still reverberating. In the silence, I could just barely make out Matt's whisper. "Mello…"

Then he ran out. A few more moments of silence ensued and then chatter resumed. I stared, still feeling the shock that I felt earlier today when I him saw for the first time after realizing that I loved him. I shook it off, leaping up and throwing out my unbitten apple as I sped out the door. I don't know what compelled me to rush out after Mello like that. There was no hush after my departure, thankfully. I looked left and right when I got out the door, frantically, searching for Mello. Even though I'd tried so hard to avoid him, I loved him. You can't avoid someone you love, no matter how much you try.

When I noticed him, he was leaning up against the wall, arms crossed, one foot flat against the wall with his head down, blonde hair covering his face. "Mello?" I whispered, moving over to him. Lightly, I touched his shoulder and his arm shot out, grabbing my wrist. His head snapped up and he took my other wrist, none too gently, and pinned me against the wall, still holding on tightly. I opened my mouth to protest but his intense stare stopped me.

It was a whole sea of emotion. I couldn't pick out a single one, but his expression told a different story. Fury was written across it. "Are you an idiot?" he hissed harshly.

"I—What?"

"What are you going all fangirl on Near for?" he yelled in a whisper still.

"Mello, I'm not—!" He didn't let me finish.

"You stare at him all the time now, you sat with him at lunch. I think it's pretty obvious you're in love with that bastard," Mello growled.

"No! He's the not the one I…" Yes, I'd already gone through the whole acceptance of loving Mello stage, sure. But I wasn't ready to tell him. I just shook my head. "He's not the one I love, Mello."

"Then who! Matt?"

I gave him a weird look. "Why do you care so much?" I asked quietly. He gaped at me and then made an annoyed sound, turning his head away for a moment. Suddenly, he looked back at me, eyes livid.

"If I left this place, Ever, would you come with me?" His voice was urgent.

"I—No, Mello! I can't leave this place! I have Ruby, and Wammy House has been my home for so long and…" Even as I spoke, I was losing momentum. I thought I would never want to leave this place. Sure, I didn't have the heart for it at first but now I'd grown attached to Wammy House. All of a sudden, I wasn't so sure that I would stay, no matter what. For Mello…

He saw the indecision in my eyes and made another sound. "Make up your mind." Then he let go, shoved his hands in his pockets, and sauntered away in a way that looked rather angry. Almost like storming away, but it looked as if he were trying to keep it under control. I groaned, "Mello, Mello, Mello!"

"He's a bastard," Matt agreed, appearing out of nowhere as usual.

I glared at him. "He's not. I just don't understand him. Leave Wammy House…? What kind of question is that?" I muttered to myself.

Matt was still there, listening to my self-talk and being unusually serious. "Ever, Mello doesn't say those things unless he means it. Back when he parents died, he made sure to ask them 'If you died, what would you say to me last?' They laughed and said they weren't dying any time soon, so they didn't answer him," he told me solemnly. "Just like you. Next time he asks, answer him honestly. Think about his question. He's got some premonition thing goin' on, okay? If he says so, he's leaving pretty damn soon. So… Answer him truthfully."

Master Love Guru Matt had become quite the psychologist as well. But he knew Mello for a long time, and better than I knew him. Way better. So I had to trust Matt. The thought of Mello leaving didn't quite register in my mind yet and I knew that when it did, it would deal me an incredibly painful blow. _That's only because you're stupid_, I told myself. _Can't think for yourself—can't let your paradise go to waste. You're selfish and want what's best for _you,_ not anyone else._ I flinched at my inner thoughts and Matt noticed. "Hey, don't beat yourself up over it. Just make your choice and stick by it, okay? If you ever change your mind, fine." Then he walked away, hands in his pockets like nothing major at all had just happened. He was so detached from all this conflict, and yet not. How did he stay so… clear-headed?

Well, whatever. I still needed to figure out my thoughts so I decided to get up, too, and think in the peace and quiet of my messy room. Speaking of which, it needed to be cleaned. I went up the staircase which now seemed a million steps to my room and stared down my floor. You couldn't really see the floor under all the clothes and papers and whatnot, but my meaning is clear. My desk looked out of place—the only clean part of my room. This was just to put my decision off, to distract myself like I always needed to, but my room really did need some improvement. By the end of nearly two and a half hours worth of intensive cleaning, I learned that my floor was not white like the hallways but a nice shade of brown wood. Sure, my trash bin was nearly overflowing, but besides that, it looked… like a room.

With no distractions, I groaned. My thoughts had already drifted towards Mello's question and Matt's words telling me to consider it seriously. How soon did Mello's premonitions happen? A day? Month? Year? I hoped to God that it was a year at the least. How could a person suddenly, out of nowhere, decide if they'd leave their whole life and paradise for the one they love, especially when you have no clue and doubt that the person even loves you back? Especially when you don't understand _how the hell you fell in love_ with _this_ person. Maybe most people would be normal and have this schoolgirl crush on some popular guy that'll never happen, and get jealous when you see him with a popular girl, and give him anonymous love notes. That'd be normal, right? Why was I questioning myself so much? I was uncertain, that's why, and I couldn't understand a single thing.

To help myself out, even just a little, I thought.

We got the announcement for the pen pals; three days later, the rules came. Three days after that, I got my first letter. I skipped a day and sent it the next morning, and got a letter back the very next morning, after which I was very outraged that Mello had figured out my identity. So I followed (not stalked!) him and talked to him. That was the turning point, when I think I fell in love, because I allowed my emotions to run rampant and sympathize him. Sympathy leads to wanting to comfort which leads to affections which leads to love. That's how I thought of it. Those few moments in which I felt sorry for him, I fell in love—how stupid is that? I went back, gave my answer, tore my ear, met L, and became motivated for the week of testing that followed. The first day, I realized everything, broke a pencil and got splinters in my hand, and also figured out that Ruby loves Near (though she won't admit to it). I avoided Mello for a week until today, when I stupidly looked at him, then Near, and stabbed myself by accident. Lunch, sat with Near, and Mello… exploded, for lack of a better word.

It took seventeen days, two and a half weeks, for me to meet and fall in love, stupidly, with Mello. Pathetic, huh? And I was feeling so lovesick, too. The idiocy of it all was just so overwhelming, I nearly couldn't handle the melancholy I felt looking out the window. November and the trees were bare, save for a few leaves that were hanging on to dear life. It was sad how they all died. They live for six months; humans get the advantage of living for years and years. What was the average death rate for men and women in England? I could care less at the moment, watching one of those poor leaves get pulled off by the wind and spin through the air. I watched as the wind died down and it floated, still spinning, to the ground. Idly, I wondered if I could find that leaf later.

Humans have the benefit of living for a longer time than many animals, but what do we do with that time? Wallow in misery, heartache, and self-pity? I think not! These leaves, the ones still hanging on, knew that they would die when it got cold. Maybe it made them want to live their lives better, unlike us humans who don't know when we're even going to die. We can't predict how long we have to do everything we want to do. So might as well do them early on, right? My spirits were lifting, but I wasn't able to see the last leaves fall from the tree. I'd turned away, interrupted and extremely surprised to hear my door open softly, and even more pleasantly dumbfounded when I saw it was Mello at the door, looking apologetic. I wasn't able to feel the downhill feeling I should be having, seeing even the best of the leaves fall. I wasn't able to see the hint that something bad was going to happen.

Not like Mello, who knew and wanted to correct his wrongs.

Evidently embarrassed, he leaned on the doorframe and kept his eyes adverted, while I glowed with hope on the inside. On the outside, though, I remained watching him with careful eyes and a composed face. He finally let out an irritated sigh, looking the other way, and then up to my face. I swear I heated up, but unlike some people, I couldn't tell I was blushing. Mello's face got a bit pink, too, and he looked away once more. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? That wasn't the best way to put it. The questions still stands…" Mello glanced at me hopefully, but I didn't make a move, and he made another annoyed sound. Did he communicate through these 'che's and 'ugh's and long, exhaled breaths? If he did, then I'd have to decipher them soon, because they weren't helping me to understand him.

Slowly, I asked what I wanted to know. "What are you trying to do?"

His blue eyes met my own orange ones, and I was positive I was blushing. My face's color was connected to how fast my heart was beating. It was a surprise that my heart hadn't burst yet because it was hammering in my chest, almost painfully. The butterflies I got made me sick to look into those shocking, stunning blue eyes. "I'm _trying_…" He said 'trying' through gritted teeth, as if he was angry that he wasn't succeeding. "…to…" All of a sudden, he threw his hands up while wearing a look that said 'I don't know what the hell I'm doing' and then let his arms fall back to his side. As if he didn't know what else to do, he ran his hand through his hair, muttering, "This isn't working, this isn't _working_." I thought it was actually a bit funny.

"Okay, Mello, why did you come to my room?" I tried to rephrase. I didn't know if my wording had confused him or what, but it seemed to be giving him a headache.

Something I said made him stiffen—what did I do wrong?—but the question's answer came to him more easily. "I came to your room on impulse, because I didn't want to leave you thinking that I'm some bastard who… pins girls against the wall and asks them to leave with him out of the blue." He smiled a bit sheepishly. "I kind of thought it made me seem…"

"Like an idiot?" I finished, sighing. While he got this odd look on his face (his expression changed by the second), I plopped down on my bed and motioned for him to sit in my computer chair. I unexpectedly got a feeling related to being thrilled when he shut the door and sat in the chair. "Well, yeah, it sort of did. What kind of guy springs that question when we're not even…" _Married, let alone going out._ "…old enough? Wammy House is where I've had the best times, even though I don't really show it much. And Ruby's my best friend; I don't see her leaving, either, so I was thinking that I would rather stay with her."

I paused, watching his reaction carefully. There was no way to tell what he was thinking. His eyes flashed disappointment, then understanding, then anger, then something, then something else, and I couldn't make out what the emotions were. I couldn't tell if he was taking this well or not, because the rest of him hadn't so much as twitched since he sat down, and it made me more aware of my fidgeting. "But, you know, that depends." Hope flickered. That, at least, I recognized, and it made me feel a bit more confident.

When I didn't answer, he asked me, "On what?"

"On a lot of things," I said after a while. "Mostly, you."

This time, I could easily pick out surprise. "_Me_? I'm not the one who'd being inflexible!" he retorted with a short, 'are you serious?' laugh.

Of course he'd come to that conclusion—that he was in the right and I was in the wrong. "It goes a lot further than childish keepsake," I snapped at him, getting a bit irritated. Hadn't he noticed how badly I react to him? How my face possibly turns red every time I see him? That I avoid him _because I love him_? Well, I didn't quite understand that last one either, on two levels, but that didn't matter. It felt like I was broadcasting my feelings for the whole world and only Mello wasn't catching the signal. "You're so _dense_!" I burst out, frustrated that he was so blind to it all.

He made a face. "Are you in on a joke with Matt or something?" Mello wondered with a sharp edge to his voice. "Because he said that to me before, and I don't get it." His eyes showed as much annoyance as I'd felt when Matt said that to me. The only exception being that I wasn't as much of an idiot and it wasn't long before I figured out what he meant.

"It's no joke, Mello," I said coldly. "It's reality, and my avoidance?—yeah, well, that's all about your density. Pretty much right in front of you is your answer, but you're such an _idiot_ that you don't notice it."

"First off, stop talking in riddles. It's fucking pissing me off." _He's swearing_, I thought disappointedly. "And second off, I don't know what you're talking about, but I still don't _enjoy_ taking insults from the girl I—" We stared at each other, both stunned. I prodded with my eyes, trying to ask him, "The girl you what?" without actually saying it. But when he turned his face away, I sighed loudly.

"You're the inflexible one. Besides, it's not like anything is even going to happen."

Mello's eyes darted back to my face when I said that, and I was taken aback by the intensity. He got up and stood in front of me, so I naturally backed up a bit, worried by the expression on his face. It was one of those deathly calm looks, the ones that are scarier than the angry, yelling-in-your-face looks. Like outside the lunchroom, he grabbed both my wrists and pushed me down on the bed, pinning my hands above me. He kneeled on the bed and leaned down so that his hair fell around his face and I could smell his chocolate breath. For some reason, I wasn't scared, just nervous. Nervous because I didn't know what I'd said or done to make him like his.

"How do you know nothing is going to happen?" he asked seriously, his brilliant, piercing blue eyes boring into her dull, uncertain orange eyes.

"I don't," I replied quietly, slowly. What would he do if I said that I knew nothing bad would happen? Be relieved? Call me a liar? However, finding out was not something I intended to do, because I could never be certain that something bad wouldn't happen. Then I'd be a liar and he'd have the right to call me one. In this case, though, I was being absolutely truthful. I could only hope that he saw how honest I was being. "But I suppose—and this is going to sound really cheesy—we should make the best of it. Right?"

Then, right when I wasn't expecting it, he kissed me. I felt myself stiffen and he nearly pulled away, but I twisted my hands to grab his forearms and relaxed into it. This was definitely making the best of it, however stupid that sounds. He let go of my hands and didn't move for a while, his lips unmoving still on mine. I pulled away for a bit, giving him a concerned look. Mello's eyes were adverted, looking away from me. Isn't this the part where the dense guy either realizes his feelings and says "I love you" or runs away because of continued idiocy? Well, Mello wasn't the usual dense boy. Instead of doing either, he pretty much rolled over to lie next to me in the bed.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"For?" I whispered, almost breathlessly. I hoped that I didn't sound like too much of an idiot.

"Sorry for… being mean to you before. For asking you that so suddenly, although I don't take it back." The next part, he said quietly, "For… kissing you."

That was a bit hurtful. He was sorry for kissing me, but he wasn't taking back that infuriatingly confusing question? "You're screwed up, Mello," I told him harshly, turning away from him.

Still, he chuckled, apparently not fazed by the insult. "You and Matt really would go better together. He told me the same thing before."

My heart sped up. "Better… together?" I asked, trying not to sound hopeful. Was that implying that we were together?

It took him a bit longer to reply. "Oh, man. I meant to say that we've been getting on each other's nerves a lot, haven't we? I meant to say, that if you were Matt's pen pal instead of mine, we wouldn't be playing this cat-and-mouse thing. I _mean_… I don't mind you, but it feels like you're getting really pissed off by me and you'd be the same as you were before if you were just with Matt instead. 'Cause you two are really alike. We're…" He paused to laugh, and unless I'd imagined it, it sounded unhappy. "We're cat and mouse."

Was Mello trying to tell me off? Was he trying to say that he doesn't like me the way I like him? That I changed too much and now I'm a freak? That he'd rather I bug Matt? "And I'm the cat," I growled angrily, outraged. He just kissed me and now he's trying to get me off his back?! I stood up and pulled on his arm. Since it was unexpected, he stumbled forward and gave me an opening to pull the door open and shove him out. I slammed the door behind him. On the outside, I could hear him gasp in shock.

"What the hell?!" he shouted, and he kicked my door. I flinched and even though I was the one who threw him out, I was regretting it a bit when I heard his footsteps storm away and down the stairs. Tomorrow was Saturday when we'd normally have class, but since today was our last testing day, we had the next day and Sunday off. It would be easy to avoid him for the next two days, but what about Monday, and Wednesday, and Friday, and next Saturday, and every day I had classes with him after that? Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday would be my only Mello-free days from now on.

Could I handle that?

Even if I couldn't, I would have to. I tried hard not to regret my decision to stay away from Mello as I got ready to sleep. Just before I was asleep, already in my pajamas and in bed with the covers on, I really had to pee. Sneakily, I went over to my door and opened it. The bathrooms, unfortunately, were only on the bottom floor. The halls were carpeted but the stairs were stone so they were cold on my bare feet. As I reached the bottom floor, the door to the bathroom I was headed for opened. For some reason, it was strange when I saw Near, of all people, coming out. Near had to go to the bathroom sometime, but he just didn't seem like the bathroom sort of person. If you get my meaning.

Shaking away the unrelated questions, I ignored him and just walked towards the open door. Before I passed him, Near looked up at me and said, "You're too close."

Stunned, I stopped and stared at him. "What?"

"You're too close to Mello. Nothing good will come of being with him. Stay away," he advised in a sincere voice. It didn't sound like in those mangas where the other guy is jealous and tries to get the girl away from the guy she likes. Near sounded like he was actually concerned about my well-being around Mello.

Though that made my blood boil, it didn't make sense for me to get angry at his insults, so I stifled the feeling. "I've decided to keep away from that bastard, anyway," I retorted in a low voice.

He nodded slowly. "But it's inevitable that you're in love with him. Am I right?" I stiffened, biting my lip. "It's true that I know next to nothing about love or friendship, even, but given the mangas and books I've read, this seems like that situation." Something about Near going to bathrooms and reading mangas and books made him seem more human than ever before. I would've had no problem, before, telling him that yeah, I'm in love with Mello. Now, it was somehow more awkward. "And am I right in guessing that he was jealous of me earlier, during lunch?"

I smiled a bit at that. "I am in love with him. I'm not so sure of the jealousy thing, but I think it's because I'm one of the few people that talk to him and I suddenly sit with you, his worst enemy, at lunch. What impression is he going to get? That—and I mean no offense—even the most antisocial person he knows and hates stole a friend from him?" I reasoned. By the way Mello had acted in my room, he certainly couldn't like me, let alone love me. Kissing aside.

Silence went on for a few moments before Near said, "No, I'm certain it was jealousy. But that's not the issue. It's that I think you should leave Wammy House."

"Do you people really want me out of here this bad?" I murmured. "And why would that be? Self-preservation?"

He was quiet for another few seconds. "I see where you get that," Near admitted. "I'm not worried about Mello hating me any more than he already does, though. My uncertainty is for you because Mello is not a particularly… peaceful person. He won't compromise easily. I'm… worried is the word, I think."

Unable to help myself, I laughed softly. We'd been talking quietly because the halls echoed and it was a bit spooky at night and even my soft laugh sounded eerily loud. I abruptly stopped. "You're worried about me?" I repeated, unsure if I'd really heard right.

"Okay," he suddenly said, nodding. "I'm sure you're not understanding me right now, but trust me, please. Mello will take advantage of you. If you don't believe me, you can ask Matt. Then maybe you'll leave." With that ominous statement, he passed by me. I heard his bare feet going up the stairs and I was going to wait for them to be gone but the urge to pee was back in full force and I ran to the bathroom.

After relieving myself, I practically ran upstairs and stood with my hand on the knob to my door. Near's suggestion to ask Matt about Mello was tempting. In the end, I gave in and snuck over to Matt's door, knocking lightly and hoping he was a light sleeper. Unsurprisingly, when he opened the door, I could see the glow of the TV. He'd been up playing video games. The surprising part was to see him in only boxers.

"I do hope you would've worn pants if you knew I was coming," I said flatly.

"I doubt it," Matt replied cheerfully. "What'dya want?"

Hearing a constant _bleep_ing sound from the TV, I peeked in, noticing that he had it on pause. "Do you mind if I take away a little of your gaming time?" I asked.

"Well… For you, okay." He held the door open for me and motioned for me to sit on the bed, so I did, cross-legged. "…Ever, please remember that you're in the presence of a highly hormonal teenage male and that you're wearing nothing but a long t-shirt and… possibly underwear." I quickly closed my legs, blushing profusely. And imagine if it was _Mello_. I nearly died just thinking about it. "Besides talking of the scarcity of our clothes, what do you want?"

Ignoring the first part, I told him, "Mello." He smirked and I glowered at him. "I don't mean _that_. I want to talk about something that a person told me about Mello."

His expression turned serious. "Don't believe what people say about him," Matt warned.

"I know, I know. That's why I came to you." I hesitated but knew that it would be on my, bugging me, until I knew. "Is it true that Mello take advantage of people when he's mad?" I asked him.

"Who did you hear that from?" he snapped.

"…Near."

Matt exhaled loudly. "He would know," he muttered. His eyes avoided mine. "Yeah, that's true. What of it?"

"What does that _mean_, though?" I tried to clarify. "How does he take advantage of people? What has he done?"

Suddenly, he looked uncomfortable. "I don't have the right to tell his secrets. I think you should ask Mello himself…" But as he said it, he seemed to be doubting it. "Never mind, don't ask him. He'll forgive me for telling you this one…" I looked at Matt intensely. "Stop that!" I looked down and he sighed. "Crap. Why'd you have to bring this up…?"

"Sorry," I mumbled. "But it concerns me. Mello is mad at me."

"How mad?" he asked stiffly.

"Er…" I blushed, glad his lights were off and that the TV's light didn't reach my face. "He kissed me and then said some stupid things and I got mad and shoved him out of my room and he kicked my door and stormed away."

He stared at me, shocked, like I'd done the most horrible thing. "I'll tell you. Short version, okay? And don't judge him. He was brought up this way. You were actually here when this happened, two years ago. There was this girl he liked and you know how kids are. The boys tease girls to show that they like them. Mello was mean to her to get attention, but she hated him for it. One day, he overheard her talking bad about him, and he has this thing where the more he loves something, the more he… does things to keep it.

"His dad used to rape his mom, so that's what he learned. He nearly did it to that girl… but was stopped by me. Afterwards, that girl left Wammy House. Then he changed because I asked him to. He never really wanted to be like that so he was glad that I wanted him to stop, because he'd only really listen to me. The way he stopped was to not get attached to anything. I know everything he does and doesn't like and how to calm him down, so even if he does get like that, there's nothing he can do to me." Matt sighed. "But, see, I don't think the same things will work for you because for one, I'm a guy and you're a girl."

I remained silent for a while, taking this all in. "Near said that I should leave," I mentioned.

"I agree with Near," Matt said without hesitation. "At least until he calms down. Mello's been calmer until lately when you showed up." I looked down, apologetic. "Hey, it's not your fault that he likes you. You can't control his hormones." A little smile was on my lips, but it vanished quickly, given the situation. I never imagined that Mello would do that sort of thing, but people have this thing where they learn habits from the people they grew up with. I could imagine it, but I never thought that he really _would_, if that makes sense.

After another silence filled only with the game's pause sound, he continued speaking. "Ever, Mello asked you about leaving, right? And I said that his hunches were like premonitions and hardly ever wrong. So I'm guessing that in the near future, he's going to leave, anyway. I'm sure you've heard about the Kira case. Mello talks about it sometimes and how it's a chance to really beat Near. It's possible that he'll leave to solve the case himself. If that's the way it is, then it won't be long. Two months, maybe. You can handle being out of Wammy House for two months, right?" he suggested, thinking it all through. Somehow, I didn't doubt his third-place status anymore.

"…two months sounds good," I replied quietly.

"It's helping Mello, too," Matt insisted. "I'll have it set up for you tomorrow. The situation has to be explained to Watari or Roger for our request to be valid. Of course, I'll only say the essentials; that Mello is extremely angry at you and they know of his ways. They'll link that to the previous incident and put you in a hotel for the next two months with the same learning as you'd get here, maybe better because it'd be one-on-one."

"Why're you doing this?" I interrupted.

He stared at me through his goggles. They bothered me because I couldn't tell if he was saying the truth or not, so I reached forward and took them off. When I did, he glanced down, but he looked back up when he started to speak. "Mello's dad taught him to be forceful when he wants something. He really wants you, so he thinks that by hurting you, you'll be too afraid to leave him. He doesn't like to do it, but he thinks that it's the only way. To save him from that, I'll send you away, the person he wants to hurt. And at the same time, I'm keeping you from getting hurt." A sort-of smile was on his face. "Two bird with one stone, huh?"

"You care about both of us, but to keep up both safe, you have to keep us apart," I clarified.

For a second, he looked embarrassed and then he took back his goggles, slipping them on. "Pretty much," Matt confirmed, and then he turned, sat on the ground, and resumed his video game. I couldn't help but feel a surge of gratefulness to Matt.

I said a heartfelt "Thank you" and then left his room, closing it softly behind me. Back in my room, in the minutes before I was asleep, I thought to myself, _I'm in love with a potential rapist._ And, strangely, that didn't make me love him any less. It wasn't his fault that his father had taught him this way. It had already become his habit. If, by leaving, I was helping Mello, then I would leave. Two months sounded reasonable and I'd planned to avoid him, anyway. Doing it this way was a bit more extreme that what I'd originally planned but it was the same thing, to a point. With these positive thoughts in mind, I slept easy.

In the morning, I woke up at 6:47 to the sound of knocking at my door. Sleepily, I got up, rubbing my eyes, and opened the door. It was Matt. "Get dressed, get packed up, and come down to the front doors. We're going to drive you to a hotel where you'll live in a suite and have a personal tutor to keep up with what we're learning at Wammy House," he explained to me. "And because I'd feel guilty if I thought that I made up this decision on my own, you're completely agreed to it, right?"

"Of course I agree," I told him, smiling. He gave me a 'thanks' sort of look and then went down the hall. When I heard his boots on the stairs, I closed my door and did as he said. By 7:13, I was ready and I jogged down the steps to the main entrance. I'd never seen the gates open so early in the morning, but they were open now and a fancy black car with tinted windows was waiting for me.

"Ever," I heard behind me, and I turned my head to see Matt coming towards me with Roger. The old man gave me a sympathetic look, like he was sorry that I was forced to leave, but this was of my own choice so I could give him a reassuring smile without guilt. "You're ready?"

I held up my suitcase and bag for show. "Yeah," I said anyway.

"Okay. You'll be at Winchester's best hotel, and you can call Wammy House any time, and you can get room service as much as you want. If you don't like the arrangements, then you're free to come back, and—"

I laughed. "Geez, Matt, you sound like a mother sending off her kid to school for the first time," I smiled at him.

"Sorry. But I still feel like I'm the one who made this decision," he mumbled, and then reached into his pocket for a piece of paper which he held out to me. I took it from him and put it in my own pocket.

To comfort Matt, I put a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, I agreed to it, okay? I want to go. Besides, two months isn't so bad," I shrugged, speaking truthfully. Then I looked up at Roger and waved goodbye. "See you guys."

The walk to the gates seemed a bit longer than usual. It was a strange sensation to know that I was running from Mello. Speaking of Mello, my thoughts returned to the reason I was leaving.

Subconsciously, he was afraid to lose my trust or friendship or whatever relationship we had, and it was the only way he knew to keep me. The way he knew the keep me was a habit he couldn't break even though he wanted to. Surely if he knew what I was doing, he'd agree to the terms, right? My absence for two months and he would be calm when I went back and not angry at me anymore, so he wouldn't feel the need to hurt me. I didn't fear for myself. This was the sort of thing that Mello did without free will.

Driving to the hotel took thirty minutes. When I got out, the chauffer did all the business with getting the room and key while I stared around. The ceiling was high and had a chandelier. It was all creamy-colored, a nice, calming color. Everything was incredibly fancy—the furniture, the tables, especially the marble floor. Matt hadn't been kidding when he said it was Winchester's best hotel. Then the chauffer came to me and told me the location and number of my room, asking if I needed help. I said no, that I could find my way, but I regretted it when I really couldn't find my way around the huge hotel.

It took me twenty minutes before I was able to find and almost-hidden second stairwell. The place was still the fifth level of the hotel but it kind of split into two smaller levels. I'd never seen anything like it, but that was probably because I'd only ever lived in a townhouse and Wammy House. Never before had I even travelled. Not even to another city. That probably added to my confusion. Luckily, keys were a universal thing and I was able to open the door to 304 easily. The hall had only four rooms and the doors were far apart, so at least that part of the navigating had been easy.

When I opened the door, I was shocked. My room at Wammy House had a bed, desk, window, and closet. This room had a bed, practically a living room, its own bathroom, a TV on a large table, another desk with a mirror above it, a mini refrigerator, and a closet that was bigger than the one in my room. Peeking into the bathroom, it was as huge and fancy as the rest of the place.

"Two months is almost not enough," I said to myself when I'd fallen onto the bed and felt how soft it was. "I wish Ruby could—_Ruby_!" I hadn't even informed my best friend that I was leaving for two whole months! The room, unsurprisingly, had a phone. Matt had given me a paper with a few numbers on it, one of them being Roger's so I called him and quickly asked for him to make something up to Ruby, telling her of my absence.

That was a quick phone call, so I felt an odd urge to call someone else. It was interesting to find that there was a number labeled "Matt" on the paper, so I called that one. "Hello?" came a strangely familiar voice on the other end when it was picked up.

"Matt?"

"Ever! How's the hotel?"

"Gigantic," was the first thing that came to mind, and he chuckled. "Thanks. I told Roger a few minutes ago to tell Ruby something, so talk to him, okay? I want hear the story he's made up, and it should be consistent. I'm sixth, after all, and I'm guessing more people would want to know. The kids at Wammy's are so weird. They gossip like those teenagers that have nothing better to do than talk about celebrities."

He chuckled again on the other end. Phones were so strange. "You're pretty talkative," Matt noted.

"Yeah, I guess the hotel room has me excited. I think I'll go try out the bathroom now. It's just as big and fancy as everything else here," I said.

"I've been there before, so I know what you mean. I'll leave you to your fun." There was a moment of awkward hesitation before he told me, "I'm glad you're okay, Ever. See ya." Then he hung up, so I put the phone back onto the cradle, or whatever it's called.

I then proceeded to the bathroom where I planned to take a nice, long bath. The ones in Wammy House were shared, so I never got to do that. After finishing, I read a new book I'd gotten until I was done with the book and had to start another. By the time I was halfway through the second one, my hair had dried and it was already five in the afternoon. It dawned upon me that I hadn't eaten yet, so I went down, memorizing each turn as I did so that I could avoid taking another twenty minutes to find my hotel room.

When I was in the lobby, I could've sworn that I saw someone familiar pass by me but when I turned to look, the person had vanished. I'd only noticed that it was a male with brown hair. Shrugging, I went on to the buffet where I found a worker and asked what I should do. The woman saw me and went berserk. "You're that kid!" she practically shouted. I blinked rapidly.

"What?"

"The-The-The really smart one from the really famous orphanage… uh, uh…" She was stammering, unsure of herself and not sounding very intelligent.

"Wammy House," I supplied with a smile. "Yes, that's where I'm from. Is there something wrong?"

The woman clutched her clipboard and ran her hand through her hair, looking around in a sort of panic. "Th-There was a note for us, that we're supposed to give you special treatment, but _hoooow_…" she moaned, not even looking at me as she spoke. "Ah! Angelo!" The woman's face became the very epitome of relief. The stress of me being there in front of her must've taken a great deal out of her. She was a worrisome person.

I didn't turn to see the person, Jensen, coming towards us, but when I noticed the brown hair I spun to face him, staring as the worker woman spoke. "You're supposed to watch out for her, right?" the woman said in a desperate, 'please help me' way. She was nearly shaking, like a chihuahua. It was kind of funny.

"Yeah, Jan," Angelo replied. And his voice was the exact same, too. This was the mailman from the pen pal game. I couldn't help but smile at him and he smiled back, a secret sort of smile that had to do with the fact that there was maybe only four or five years between us, whereas I probably had over a twenty-year difference with Jan, the woman who apparently had an anxiety disorder. "No problem." Sighing loudly and clearly relief, she scurried away, almost like a mouse. The way she walked was almost a wade, penguin-like. I stifled a laugh but Angelo noticed.

He smiled at me again. "I agree," he said without me having to mention the object of my entertainment. "Food's over there—" He pointed to a few tables with white table cloths and fancy-looking food on trays and everything. "—and if you need anything, ask. You can take that up to your room, too."

"Thanks," I told him gratefully and was about to go get my breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but he stopped me.

"Oh, Ever? I'll also be your tutor while you're here." He winked at the end and I blushed, hating myself for it as I quickly gathered my food and took the elevator up. Angelo's smiles and that wink somehow made my heart beat faster. Not as fast as with Mello, but faster than with Near back then. It almost felt like I was betraying my (unrequited and unreasonable) love for Mello, which I mulled over while I ate whatever I'd put on my plate. I didn't pay much attention to the food, just my stupid feelings. I'd brought plenty of books so I began reading once more. It was around seven that Angelo came up and started to talk to me, telling me what'd happen while I was here.

For a month, everything went smoothly. Then I got a phone call in the middle of the night. Sleepily, I reached over to pick it up. "Hello?" I said tiredly, yawning.

"Um, hey Ever."

I sat up in bed. "Matt?" Groaning, I saw the time. "It's one in the morning! What's so important that you need to call me at this hour?"

"Yeah, that's… Mello left," he said with a nervous edge to his voice.

Resisting the urge to yell, I angrily whispered, "What?! Why?"

"L is dead, but he didn't pick a successor. He's going to catch Kira on his own, like I told you. He's gone, so…" Matt paused for a second while I processed this. "You can come back, now, you know," he offered.

After a long moment of silence, I nodded. "Yeah, sure. I'll come back." Fighting a yawn, I was able to figure everything out with Matt and a car would come get me in the morning.

Within six hours, I was driving back to Wammy House. Matt was waiting for me, and Mello wasn't. Ignoring the pang of sadness and disappointment, I forced myself to walk up the stairs and smile half-heartedly at him. Unexpectedly, he pulled me a hug. "M-M-Matt?" I stammered, shocked.

He held on tighter. "This place isn't as fun as it was. Near's gone, too, now. Everyone's depressed."

"Including you?" I asked quietly.

Silently, he let go and turned around. "Come on, number two." Number two…?

* * *

**Note:** _So the first time my friends read this, they were confused. What in the world happened to make Ever leave Wammy House? Well, I realize that it's a far-fetched idea and it was rather difficult to explain. The thing is, Mello had a bad kidhood. Er, childhood, that is. So he witnessed his dad rape his mom on a few occassion and afterwards, his mom stayed quiet. He thought that was the way to keep things the way you want them. A while ago, he had a crush and he was rather mean to her, so he overheard her bad-talking him and he got pissed and tried to do what his daddy taught him. The girl left, but the habit stayed. Matt was able to surpress Mello for a while but the habit was still strong and he and Near both know Mello's limits. They both realized that Mello was at his breaking point since she'd managed to piss him off so bad. The only way Matt could think of to keep Ever from getting hurt and Mello falling back into the habit was to send her away for a while. So that's what he did. And that's the reason for titling the chapter "Habit". :)_

_Wow, that is long. o.O_

_P.S. I found my beta a while ago, and forgot to mention it. ^^" I can't seem to remember who answered my request, but it's one less duty for you! :D_


	4. Neglected

_Chapter Four: Neglected_

Once I was settled in my new room, I learned what Matt had meant by "number two." The tests had given me fourth placement, but with Near and Mello gone, Matt had become number one and I was now second. To make things more exciting, I was in Mello's old room. I was shocked to find that the room still retained his scent, furniture, and a few miscellaneous belongings. "No one cleaned this place out yet?" I muttered, dropping my bags down when I first moved in.

Matt appeared behind me and said, "No, but I can take his things." I stared at the floor. "Ever?"

"Yeah, take them. Please." While he took the scraps of paper, the toys that looked like they might be Near's, the little hints that showed Mello lived in this room, I kept my eyes adverted. He left quietly and I didn't know what to do afterwards, so I took out my laptop and plugged it in. When I turned it on, it beeped, signaling that I had a message. I clicked on it, sucking in a breath. "New Message: Mello" the box said. It read:

I'm tired of being second best. And you were a bitch for leaving.

-Mello

I gritted my teeth. I'd done that for _his_ sake, not mine, and it hadn't had a great effect on me, either! There wasn't a single day that I doubted going to that hotel to give him a chance to calm down. Not a single moment that I wasn't having second thoughts. That I wondered if anything would've really happened if I stayed. And if I did stay, and nothing did happen, if we could've had more time—you know, together. But now it doesn't seem like he'll forgive me. I clicked on "reply" and typed:

Fuck. You.

_Send._

_Your message has been sent._

* * *

Three months later, Wammy House began to go back to its regular ways. Or maybe that was just me getting over the fact that Mello left. Slowly, I was getting used to not seeing him or getting that love-sick feeling. Not that I was love-sick, although Ruby always suggested it. Ruby had remained sixth placed and I felt a bit bad for moving up when she didn't, but that girl was strong and acted like she didn't care. Near's leave didn't _seem_ to affect her, but that was just appearances. I saw her glance at the empty spots where Near used to be.

Matt quickly got over it. No more than a week after Mello's disappearance, he was already his happy, video game-playing self. Not one person could tell that he missed Mello, but his new habit gave it away. He'd taken up smoking. "That's illegal," I told him one day while I watched him light a cigarette in the middle of playing Devil May Cry 2. The smoky smell was almost unbearable, but I'd gotten used to it by now. Not that I _liked_ it or anything.

Shrugging like he didn't care, he continued playing. "You're slowly dying." Again, he shrugged like it didn't matter. "Is that what you're trying to do?" Shrug. Now I was annoyed. I stormed over and pulled the TV's plug out roughly in a manner that should've shocked and killed me. "Get your depressed ass up and play soccer with me." Matt opened his mouth to protest but I raised an eyebrow in question, daring him to say no.

He stood up dejectedly and sighed. "I'm not depressed," he insisted as we went outside.

"Then why did you start smoking?" I challenged.

"…okay, so I _was_. Now it's a habit and I can't stop."

"You can stop. You just don't want to."

Matt had no comeback. We found Linda outside with Nitro and some other kids. Looking at the kids along the sideline, watching, I spotted Ruby and waved, but she didn't notice so I dropped my hand and sighed. Ruby was spacing out a lot lately.

"I don't get why these people play soccer in March," I heard Matt mutter. Glancing over at him, I noticed him shiver. Without a jacket, I suddenly felt the cold as well. "Do they really like it that much?" The expression on his face was odd, like he didn't understand these people's fixation on soccer.

"Matt, it's like you with video games," I tried to explain. "They really like it so they'll do it in any weather. Well, besides snow and hail."

Smiling a bit, Matt sat down on the steps.

"I'll go get us some jackets. Be right back." There was a closet near the back door with everyone's jacket so I got Matt's and mine and was back out in less than a minute. When I saw him again, there was no cigarette in his mouth, and I smiled. Something I said must've gotten through to him. At least for the moment, because the next day Matt was smoking again.

* * *

August 2, 2005, five months after things got back to normal, everyone was enjoying themselves to the fullest. It was almost as if Near and Mello had never been here, never left. The only time I was reminded was when I went up to my room to sleep and when I heard comparisons. "Matt will never be like Near," and "Even though Mello was second, no one's as good as him. Not even Ever." We got compared to them all the time, but I'd trained myself to become immune to Mello's name.

Slowly, my feelings for him were disappearing. Without his face there to send my heart racing, I had no reason to still be in love with him. And by now, I wasn't. It'd been eight months since he'd gone and now I was back to normal. The same stoic little kid I'd always been, except now I wasn't a five-year-old. I was fifteen and my knowledge of the world was much more than it had ever been. I knew that dwelling on the past got me nowhere. I knew that love does slow people down.

I knew that I hated Mello.

Someone other than me might still love him even after he'd just disappeared, even after he called me a bitch for leaving when it was _for him_, even after he never showed any emotions in return. That stupid kiss didn't count because he _apologized_ for it and then said that I would go better with Matt! Just thinking about it made me fume and wonder what I'd ever seen in Mello. Why did I love him?

Because he was so vulnerable that day that I—I'll admit it—stalked him.

Because I found out that even someone like Mello could break.

Because I realized that he wasn't the brash, violent, outspoken kid he always acted like he was.

Because that's who I was. I was breakable on the inside, just like Mello. My past had left me uncertain, afraid, but then I came to realize that it meant nothing and that I could live on. Mello hadn't seen that yet. He hadn't felt the change, the Shift that I felt. That was falling in love, so suddenly and unexpectedly, and everything was okay. Wonderful, even.

Then he started to blow me off. Started to ignore me—or maybe I ignored him. Either way, we avoided each other because… Well, for me, I wanted to stop my heart from racing, from my stomach twisting, for me to quit getting all lightheaded when I saw him. I don't know what Mello's problem was, especially after that ambiguous kiss that ended in hate and my leaving Wammy House. _I left Wammy House._ Was that any different from Mello? Had he felt as betrayed as I when he left?

_No,_ I knew,_ because Mello hated me as much as I loved him. _I silently praised myself for that wonderful comparison. But the key part was that _–ed_ at the end. I didn't anymore. Somehow, life was a million times easier knowing that I wasn't hopelessly in love with a stupid guy who I'd never talk to or see again.

* * *

Exactly a year. December 5th, 2005.

Nothing. No feelings.

Ah, how free I feel!

* * *

Two years. December 5th, 2006.

Nothing.

* * *

Three. December 5th, 2007.

* * *

Matt came into my room unannounced at three in the morning on April 10th, 2008 and shook me. Then he poked me in the side, hard, when I didn't open my eyes. I have a habit where I hit anything that disturbs my sleep which had developed some time after Mello left (it has no connection, I tell myself), so I lashed out and punched him in the eye. Immediately after, I sat up, woken by his cry of pain.

"Matt! I'm so sorry!" I cried, trying to figure what I did. He was clutching his face—his eye?—and I groaned. "Shit, did I punch you?"

"Hard," he said through gritted teeth.

Then, convinced he was overreacting, I sighed. "You're a man! Come on, I couldn't have hit you _that_ hard," I reasoned.

"Men don't take unexpected hits from sleeping, eighteen year old girls with a fourth degree black belt in Kajukenbo very well!" he hissed.

I cracked a half-smile. "That's pretty true…" With a sigh, he forgave me and handed me the paper which I couldn't read in the dark. He turned the lights on while he opened the door. "Where are you goin'?"

"Ice pack for my eye," Matt informed me with a glower. I bit my lip.

"Sorry!" I squeaked as he shut the door. "It was just a bit red," I grumbled to myself, leaning against the wall as I read. It said a lot of things so I skimmed, noting that the word "mafia" showed up a lot. What was Matt doing researching about the mafia? "…sudden rise in power… Huh?" I blinked in absolute shock, not even hearing my video game-addict of a friend return and shut the door behind him. "Blond haired kid seems to be the source… spends half the money on chocolate bars… controversy within the mafia… stifled by the overall success the boy has brought…" There was no doubt who this report was about.

"So what do you think?" a flat voice asked me.

My head snapped up and I stared at Matt, quickly putting on a poker face. "What do I think? I think that Mello's joined the mafia and is helping them gain success in the field of being criminals! What is he _thinking_?!" I whispered angrily, trying to disguise my emotions at having uncovered Mello's location. I knew where he was and what he was doing now. But what was Matt trying to do? "…have you been looking for him all this time?"

He grabbed my computer chair and rolled it around, straddling it, and slid his goggles on. "So what if I have?" he challenged.

"You're still hung up on Mello leaving!" I accused.

"And you're not?" he shot back and there was a sharp edge to his voice, like he was trying to hold back anger.

"No, not since two and a half years ago," I told him truthfully.

"You're over him," Matt repeated. It sounded almost as if he didn't believe it.

"_Yes_," I insisted. "But I don't get what you're trying to do by showing me that you've found Mello."

"If that's the case, then I want you to come with me and help me find him."

"No." A smirk appeared on Matt's lips and I glowered at him. He just kept that smug look on his face until I snapped, "What?"

"If you were really over him, then it wouldn't matter to you," he said with a shrug. "Come on, Ever. Face it. You fell in love with him and since you haven't fallen head over heels in love with someone else, you're still clinging to that feeling."

"It was involuntary!" I hissed at him. "It's not like I _wanted_ to fall in love with that bastard!"

"So you've seen the light." He gave a short laugh. Matt had called Mello a bastard a few times, but he never really meant it in a bad way. Just a playful jab. _I_ meant it.

Our ending circumstances were less than pretty. I'm not sure either of us even understood it. Near and Matt both were suggesting that Mello could rape me at any time, blinded by his anger. They said he would've fallen into a habit his father taught him. I'm not sure if I even believed the craziness of it, but I went to a hotel for a month, only to come back after Mello left (followed by Near) to solve the Kira case.

It was all a mad mess.

"I have, you idiot, and it's that I probably never really loved him in the first place. I had a moment of pity when I saw him in vulnerability and mistook it for love. It was never real." Then I leaned back, satisfied with my explanation. And it sounded pretty close to whatever the truth was, because I never understood that feeling I had towards Mello. Pity? Was that all it ever was?

His face was unreadable and those goggles took away any chance I could've gotten from looking at his eyes. That was his weakest point in the field of hiding emotions. "Okay then. Forget anything that happened in the past. I'm sure Mello has too, okay? For my sake, can you _please_ come with me?" Matt begged. "I can't march into a mafia base, an untrained soldier with simply good hand-eye coordination. I could use a bodyguard, you know. And some company on the plane ride."

I chuckled. _Untrained soldier, huh?_

"Fine, Matt," I finally sighed. "I'll consider it." At that time, I didn't know that Matt would say Mello's name fifty times a day just to speed up my decision.

I passed him on the way out from class. "Mello," he said, a smug look on his face when I turned my face away. "Mello, Mello, Mello." And he kept repeating it all the way to the lunch room. After that fourth week, he was honestly pissing me off, so I whipped around and punched him.

"Shut _up!_ I'll go with you!" I shouted at him, earning several shocked looks. Smiling and waving them on, I started to drag Matt away, up to his room. When I spun around to face him, door closed, he had a huge grin on.

"His name got to you."

"That's not it! You were getting on my nerves," I snapped. "If I was to repeat… say, Roger's name for a month, you'd snap, too!"

"Ew. Don't compare Mello to Roger."

"Matt!"

He gave me a blank look, his goggles up for once. "So then, how are we gonna go about this?" Matt asked, tilting his head slightly as he thought.

Sighing, I sat down on his spinning chair and idly spun as he went through the possibilities. Since he was thinking aloud, ruling out things and adding to the plan, I spoke up every once in a while. There were a few times were we had to check up things about the mafia that Matt hadn't thought to search, but eventually we came up with something plausible enough to get us through the mafia base undetected.

Every Tuesday at one in the afternoon, someone from the mafia left to go get Mello's chocolate. It was as simple as getting into that car (I learned that Matt knew how to break into cars) and getting a ride to the mafia. Then we'd sneak out of that car and into the building. He'd found out that there was an underground garage that was linked to the building so it would be perfect. All too perfect until we got in and had to hide from the cameras. However, Matt assured me that he'd have it covered and we'd have two minutes from the time we got in to the time we found Mello.

"We have to go in at an exact time to get the full two minutes," he confirmed when I asked. "Mello… Finding him is a problem. Well, no, it's not. I know where he'll be. The front room, but that's where everyone hangs around. So in those two minutes, we have to hurry to his room and hide so that the cameras can't tell when they go back online."

"How far is his room from the garage door? What about the other mafia thugs? I don't think two minutes is enough," I fretted. "And then what about when Mello gets back in?"

"I'll have a device on me that can mess with the cameras. I can turn the ones in his room off when Mello enters. There'll be nothing suspicious about they're new head-of-the-mafia turning them off for some privacy. That's where I'll need you to knock him out for me, so make sure to hide near the door or bed. I'll give you an image of his room by tomorrow so you can figure it out quick. I might even be able to get the map of the building. As for the other mafia people, they're unpredictable. They could be wandering the hallways, so I'll need you to… uh, knock them out for at least three hours, if you can control that. We'll need maybe thirty minutes with Mello. The extra two and a half hours are because he'll need to get the others' consent during that time and he can't have these people's objections."

"…I don't generally approve of invading privacy, or breaking in, but I think I'm starting to like it," I had to admit, and Matt smirked.

"I knew you would when I explained it. Trust me, you'll have fun."

I snorted. "Fun. Right. I was thinking more like I'll be scared shitless, but sure." He laughed.

The next day, I had absolutely no doubt in Matt's skills. He got me an image of Mello's room, a map of the whole place, and images of the halls from the garage door to Mello's room's door. They were images of every angle the cameras had, in case we were late and didn't get through the whole two minutes. "Or if there are too many mafia people that you need to do your work on," he added with a grin. I could see that he enjoyed this whole idea.

"Matt, you're an idiot."

In the end, he wasn't an idiot. Matt was much better at it than I expected. He got us on a plane the next day and found the exact store within forty-five minutes of our arrival. We were there at twelve fifty-two, eight minutes to spare before the guy got there. We assumed that he'd be early since Matt uncovered that Mello was a bit cranky today. "He'll want his chocolate," Matt had explained to me. I understood and agreed to go a bit earlier than planned. Not too much earlier, but it turned out to be a very good decision. At twelve fifty four, a minute before we were originally to arrive, a scruffy-looking, extremely strong man came barging in. He looked completely out-of-place and Matt and I paused our fake argument over which soda to buy. We walked over as calmly as we could and purchased a Coke, throwing it in the trash on the way out.

Luckily, the mafia-man's car was obvious. A giant-wheeled truck. Even from just glancing at it, not even checking anything at all, Matt smirked. He thought it was an easy job, so that was good. "Turn around while I do this," he said, already looking it over. When he noticed my appalled expression, he sighed and told me, "I can't let the secrets of the trade pass on to someone that'll never use them."

"How do you know I won't?" I protested.

"Trust me. The next time you do something like this, there will be no way I'm not coming along." I made an exasperated sound and turned around. "Hey, I'll teach you if this sort of thing comes up again, I promise." Then he got to work. He finished and opened the door for me with a "ladies first" gesture. Impressed, I crawled into the back seat and crouched down in a way that I hoped hid me well. "Good," he muttered, getting in behind me. He didn't crouch down yet, instead getting up for a second to lock all the doors and fiddle with something else. Once he finished, he got down and waited.

It didn't take long, only two minutes later, until the guy came back and threw four boxes in the back seats and the rest in the trunk. I was holding my breath the entire time, from when he threw the boxes in all the way to the garage. The man had to type in a code (I heard Matt hum it softly and knew he memorized it just from the sounds it made) and then the door opened. Throughout all this, I only heard it. There wasn't a single thing I could see but the car's dirty carpet-thing and Matt's hair. Then I felt the car come to a stop, heard him take out the key, and felt him get out. "Ugh!" he groaned, and I saw the top of his head disappear. I blinked. "Flat! I got a flat tire! No way…" The car lurched—he'd kicked it.

After a long silence filled with tension (for me and Matt, at least), the man sighed loudly and went inside. "Now?" I whispered to Matt.

He checked his watch. I could make out the numbers from the glow: 1:27. "We've got forty-eight seconds before our time starts. Get out. He won't have enough time to get someone and come back by then." We opened the doors cautiously, stepping out quietly, and then closed them gently. Tip-toeing over to the door that attached the garage to the building, Matt slowly opened it. "Seven… six… five…" He was counting down.

"Two… one…" Matt shot out like a bullet, going faster than I thought he was capable of. I mean, he'd taken up the habit of smoking maybe a year and eight months ago and hardly moved, besides his daily, um, finger exercising. But I kept up, even passing him within twenty-three seconds. I was counting in my head, as well as thinking of the map and passages I'd memorized. Matt skidded to a halt. "Which way?" he hissed.

I looked both ways. One way had two guys with cigarettes, backs turned, and of course, that was our ticket to Mello's room. Putting a finger to my lips, I sped forward and got one of them in the back of the neck. Before the other man could cry out, I hit the same pressure point on his neck and he crumpled to the ground. I didn't stop for Matt, already picking up the speed I'd lost while fighting them. Not really fighting, but sort of. "Ever!" Matt said in a harsh whisper. "Thirty-four seconds!" So easy. We turned three more corners, skidding around the last one and coming to an immediate halt. I almost froze at Mello's door but I didn't so I threw the door open, let Matt get in past me, and nearly slammed it shut—I somehow managed to ease it closed.

Panting, Matt informed me, "Three… two… one." He heaved a deep sigh. "This room's cameras are off, the halls are back on. Nice work with those guys. I'm pretty amazed there weren't more."

With a final, long sigh, I managed to chuckle. "You sound disappointed," I pointed out.

"Well, I mean, Kajukenbo's beyond awesome, but I only ever get to see you use basics!" he complained, somehow managing to keep the air light. Here we are, successfully broken into the _mafia's_ base, and we're talking about how cool Kajukenbo is.

"I could practice on you, you know," I smirked, and he immediately shook his head.

"No than—" The door opened. "…ks." Already right by the door, I spun around and covered the person's mouth. By walking in, I knew where the person would be standing—I felt the person's breath _woosh_ past the top of my head in a sound of shock, so I knew where to reach. And I kicked the door closed. Behind me, I heard Matt greet him. "Hey, Mel!"

"Since when do you call him Mel?" I asked, surprised at how calm and steady my voice was. As soon as I caught sight of those brilliant, reflective blue eyes, my breath caught. _Mello,_ I thought. _However misguided, I still thought I loved him._ That's a feeling you can't shake. Of course, those were my _thoughts_. My serious, calculating brain developed a new theory that I chose to listen to instead: _Oh, it's _this_ bastard. The one that kissed me and said sorry. The one I took pity on and thought it was love. What an ass for making me think that. He has no right! I hate him; I have for the past two and a half years!_ That sounds much, much better.

So I narrowed my eyes and smirked at him, just listening to Matt reply, "Since now. Sounds cool, doesn't it? I mean, everyone needs a nickname. You could be Evvy or something." Without looking at him, I quirked an eyebrow, something I'd taught myself to do during my free time in the bathroom when I had nothing better to do. "Or we could start calling each other by our real names. As a sign of friendship."

I didn't have a chance to argue with that because Mello suddenly bit my hand and I jerked away, though I moved to stand by the door so he couldn't get out and tell his mafia thugs to c'mere and kill us. He wouldn't do that, right? Glowering at the both of us, he spat, "What're you doing here? How'd you get in?"

"The getting in part was easy," Matt said with an air of self-satisfaction. "What we're doing here… You gotta be willing to listen to us and promise to not call out your new friends to interrogate us or somethin'." Well, I had to admit that Matt's idea was a bit better than mine. More cheerful. But I couldn't exactly be cheerful when the guy I hate and love(d) most at the same time is in the very room I'm in. Except that's not true, Ever! You simply hate him!

After a moment's consideration, Mello agreed to Matt's terms. "Sure, whatever. Now what're you _two_ doing here?" I hated how he emphasized "two," as if it were a bad thing I was here, too. I hated how he was able to sit down on his bed in those tight leather clothes, somehow without looking uncomfortable. I hated how he only looked at Matt as Matt explained what we were doing here. I _hated_ him, period. _You don't have a good reason,_ my good conscience told me. _Shut up,_ the devil in me shot back. _I can hate whoever I want._

The good conscience said, _You only hate him because he evoked an emotion you weren't—aren't—used to!_

The devil replied, _There a problem with that, sheriff?_

The good conscience groaned and stormed off, allowing me to freely hate Mello. I smiled politely as I sat down, back against the door and watching Matt talk. Then, finally, Mello spoke up. "Why'd you drag her into this?" And, you know, you expect that when I guy says something like this, he's saying it to protect you because he doesn't want you hurt because of him. Mello? No, he says it as if he's talking about some disgusting disease. Told you I was being pessimistic—I just compared myself to a disease.

"I asked her to," gamer boy replied with a shrug. His goggles were up, his eyes eager for Mello's approval. I couldn't understand why he was so excited to see this guy after two and a half years. But I thought if it was Ruby, I'd be the same. Excited and eager and wanting her to approve of me and—I would've taken Matt with me, too. Thinking about it that way made perfect sense. Except for one detail. Mello will never be a good or kind-hearted as Ruby. That was okay, though, as long as I had this opinion of him. Because I was able to see him through Matt's eyes, just for a second. To Matt, Mello holds the same position in his heart as Ruby does in mine. So Mello was… _okay_ as long as I thought of him as Matt's best friend.

"He tried hard to convince me, so thank him, _Mel_," I cut in, giving Mello a taunting smile when he stared at me. Just because I had a slightly better opinion of him didn't mean that I had to let it show.

"Don't call me that," he just barely muttered, so that only I could hear it. Matt didn't notice, but he did seem a bit uncomfortable by the tension between us. Mello and I hated each other—that was the set deal for me staying here. It was how things would work and no other way. Otherwise, I'd leave and Matt would get by without me. I'd go back to Wammy's, if they'd have me, and see how Ruby's doing after we just up and left like that, bringing nothing with us at all.

Speaking of which… "We'll need rooms and clothes 'cause we brought nothin'," I said, and then quickly added, "if none of your mafia guys kick us out."

"My mafia guys," Mello repeated with a half-smirk, almost making it sound like a question. "You come up with the stupidest things." Before I got to protest in my defense, he stood up with a sigh. "No one's kicking you out," he said, directing it towards Matt. As if he was teasing me by not promising the same. "I'll find you guys rooms, but you'll get clothes on your own time, got that?"

"We're broke," I put in.

"…I'll give you _money_," Mello replied, sounding irritated for some unexplainable reason. I glanced at Matt, shrugging, and he rolled his eyes, mouthing, _Male PMS._ I stifled a laugh, making some sort of snorting sound which got me an odd look from Mello. "Then what're you gonna do, huh? Laze around and waste our resources?" He looked pointedly at Matt. "And our power sources with video games 24/7?"

"Naw, Mel!" he grinned. "We'd help you! In the investigation, you know. Finding Kira. I mean, I haven't been ignorant to it all." The way he said it, as if it should be obvious, made me look away. I hadn't been paying attention at all in my attempts to avoid any connection at all with Mello. They both noticed, I think.

"Whatever." I hated that word. It sounded so dismissive, like he could care less. Little Miss Devil piped up with _He probably doesn't give a shit about you._ And I agreed. Well, _whatever_. I give a shit about him. Only because he's going to be the one who controls the giant, huge, incredibly strong, brawny mafia thugs that could probably pummel me into the ground. I mean, I had Kajukenbo—Matt had finger strength and speed. But neither of us could go up against steel blocks with brains.

"Mel, don't you think you should tell those guys?" Matt asked. It's strange how quickly that nickname had become a habit for the video-gameaholic. "Wouldn't want them really kicking our asses out."

"Yeah, yeah, sure," he agreed, and started to stand from the bed. I scrambled to my feet and opened the door so that I wouldn't have to touch Mello or have him walk by me at all. I still had a feeling that I'd freak if that happened. Matt didn't notice it but Mello did. He gave me a quick glance that meant _'what the hell is wrong with you?'_ I answered by looking at the ground and then Matt's back as I followed him follow Mello. We went out to the main room by which time I was standing shoulder-to-shoulder with Matt. Well, not exactly, since Matt was a bit taller than me.

"What the hell, Mello?!" was the first sound of disapproval I heard, followed by murmurs of confusion and I wasn't sure I could pick out a single positive comment.

"Hey, cool it," Mello growled in a gruff tone. Blinking, I stared at him. I had never heard him sound remotely manly, only boyish, but this was a very mafia-leader-like voice. "They're kids I used to know b'fore I got here. Didn't even tell 'em where I was goin', so you can assume that they're pretty smart to 've found me. They can help us with the Kira thing, okay?" Even though I didn't particularly appreciate being called a 'kid', I just nearly giggled at his accent. It was so _American gangster_. But I held it in so that the mafia guys wouldn't have a reason to hate me just yet.

They started grumbling amongst themselves again, this time a few were accepting. "Guess it's okay that they stay," one of them said, only slightly grudgingly.

"Yeah, especially that cute girl!" one shouted, his words a bit slurred, and some of the others chuckled. I straightened up, curling my fingers into a fist. Who gets drunk at this time of day?!

"You're not touching her," Mello hissed at the same time I growled, "You're not touching me." We exchanged a quick glance, after which he looked away and I made eye contact with the men there. "I'm here 'cause this guy—" I raised Matt's hand and then dropped it, "—dragged me along. Okay? I didn't want to be here in the first place, so I will absolutely _not_ tolerate any moves on me. Besides, if you check in one of the hallways, two of your guys are passed out. My work. I know Kajukenbo—black belt."

"Feisty," one guy laughed.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Did anything I just say register in your mind?"

"Don't worry," the same guy laughed again. "Name's Gregory. Everything you've said's embedded into my mind. Won't even think about touching you. And I'll make sure these other guys don't, either. You're too young, anyway. What are you, thirteen?"

The gasp escaped my lips before I could control it. "I'm _eighteen!_"

Gregory winked. "Teasing, kid. You look your age." I glowered at him for a second more before Mello spoke up again.

"So it's agreed that Matt and Ever stay," he said, his voice slightly strained. I wanted to look at him and figure out why but I doubted that I'd be able to, anyway, and saved myself the torture of having to look at his face. "Don't touch the girl, or the guy." Both Matt and I made slightly strangled noises. Was he saying that some of the guys here were _gay_? I didn't have anything against that but gay mafia potential rapists were more dangerous than the normal kind. Then I noticed a few of the looks Matt was getting and I moved a bit closer to him. "They'll take Sam and Sheldon's old rooms and help me daily with finding Kira." He wasn't bothering with mafia-speech. "Spread the word. Gregory, show 'em to their rooms."

Gregory was kind enough to name every room we passed by and then he left us to two rooms right next to each other. "Well this is kind of nice," Matt commented with a half-smile. "Now I can bang on your wall and wake you up at three in the morning! How about that, Evvy?"

"Never call me Evvy again, and if you try to wake me up at three in the morning, I will personally snap your neck." I finished with a pleasant grin and was satisfied when Matt shivered slightly. "Thanks Gregory."

"Please, call me Greg," he nodded to us, and then walked back the way we'd come. We went into our separate rooms and mine looked just like Mello's, frankly, minus the small touches he'd added himself, like the leather jacket I'd spotted over on a chair in the corner. I was pretty sure that Matt's room looked the same and every other room before someone moved in.

That first week was slow and boring, if I had to be perfectly honest. Matt and I went to get ourselves the necessary clothes and a few other extras and our rooms looked nearly like the ones in Wammy House after all that. I'd even gotten myself a new laptop and phone and was surprised to find that a place like this got connection. But connection or not, I would've had to find a way to help Mello because he wasn't exactly… _thrilled_ when I was slacking on investigating Kira. It seemed like Mello didn't trust me, either, because I was only given the job of checking the people killed, when they appeared on the news, the time they were killed, patterns, and other such things. And it was such a goddamned _bore_.

Except I didn't have the guts to complain, so I was stuck with it. After three months of this, I'd gotten used to it and had become a master at the art of tracking. Summer had been torture in this place since the air conditioning didn't work so well but we'd all survived and were now in the fall month of September. Still warm, but breezy and pleasantly so. I wasn't like Matt who stayed inside almost all the time so I knew how it felt to be outside. Often times I'd try to get him to go out with me but somehow Mello would show up and reprimand me for attempting to get out of work. Usually, I'd curse, give him a glare and give up.

Today, I wasn't in the mood for giving up. Work had been flat lately with nothing exciting going on at all. Something had to happen already! Every single day was the same, with slight variations. Mello made sure that Matt and I were in line. He was like a military man these days, and I almost hated him more than before, but I still grudgingly put up with him. We barely talked unless we had to. Why did I even bother to think about him anymore? Maybe if I tried to make amends, we'd loosen up a bit and forget the past. Possibly be able to lurk in the same room and not have tension in the very air we breathe.

While this idea shot a bout of nervous feelings throughout my body, I decided that I really should try it. Mello's more active than Matt so I might have some chance with getting him out of the base. For a while, I searched with verve, only pausing for the time it took to peek into a room or wave and exchange a few words with some mafia men I'd befriended. As much as it felt like I was accomplishing something, I realized that I hadn't planned out this encounter. That thought made me freeze and of course that's when Mello made his appearance, turning the corner and stumbling straight into me. I only felt myself tilt backward and blink rapidly for half a second before a hand gripped my arm tightly, holding me upright.

I hadn't fully registered the situation but I knew it was Mello, so before he could recognize that it was me and storm away in embarrassment or anger or whatever, I quickly said, "Mello, I need to talk to you."

"…" He stared at me with that hard gaze he'd taken on since being here among rough men. It was unsettling and made me think that he was going to pull a gun on me any second. I guess that was the effect that the gaze was meant to have on people.

The fear that shot through my body looking at those unyielding eyes made my jaw cease movement and fried my brain. It was embarrassing to stutter through that first word a million times. Then he snapped at me: "Spit it out, dumbass."

"Will you go out with me?" I finally managed, gritting my teeth anxiously. Slow and nervous as I was, it took me a few moments to decipher the disgusted smirk on his face. I was able to get over my schoolgirl silliness and glower back at him. "Idiot, I'm not asking you on a date!" I betrayed my true feelings by playing with the hem of my shirt, a sign of uncertainty. Worry was etched on my face, I was sure. "It's a nice day, Matt won't leave this place, and… frankly, I hate being in the same room as you."

Mello let out a bark of a laugh—sort of like a maniacal laugh—that made me cringe. "You're trying to get me to go out with you and you do this by saying you hate my presence? It's not a wonder you're never getting married," he scoffed.

Now here I was, trying to reconcile with the guy I hate the most on the face of the planet, honestly attempting to be _nice_ to him, and he _insults_ me? That just about made me furious. However, I'd become a master at disguising my feelings. I knew how Matt hated to see us despise each others guts and I knew how awkward it was for everyone around us so I had at least started to cover up how much I didn't want to so much as breathe the same air as him. I could even shoot him a fake smile now and again at this point in time. He was making it hard by saying stuff like that.

The effort took a lot out of me, but I cracked a smile, hoping desperately that it looked real enough to make him think twice about saying another bad word to me. "Mello, would you please do me this one favor? I haven't asked anything of you for nearly three years. Just do this one thing. You won't even remember it a week from now," I tried to reason.

For once, he actually seemed to consider it. "…what exactly do you want from me?" he unwillingly agreed. A gruff mafia tone had entered his voice and his eyes flitted away from me.

Relief washed over me and my smile became genuine. I was doing better than I ever thought or hoped. Pretend hard enough and it becomes reality. "Will you go with me to this European pastry house I read about? It's about forty-five minutes away, but I swear you won't have to drive or say a word during the ride. Just comply and I'll be happy." My eyes searched his face for any change of emotion. It was a surprise to have his gaze back on mine.

Eyes connected, he said, "I'll go with you, but _I'm_ driving." I smiled even wider and he just shook his head, changing his direction to go towards the garage. "Do we have to take a subtle car?"

My mind went into hyper drive. How did Mello know that I preferred the cars that normal people drive as opposed to the expensive, noticeable cars that the mafia men generally choose to drive? He couldn't possibly pay attention to me anymore. I only noticed that I had spaced when Mello's expectant gaze caught my eye. "Oh, no, I'm already asking enough of you. The car's your pick," I nodded to him.

Mello's choice was a red Eclipse. It was relatively indistinct and suited my taste. I gave him a look of approval and sat in the passenger seat while he went through the rack of keys for the Eclipse's. Once he got in, turned on the car, opened the garage, and backed out, he asked me which way to go. The only time we talked throughout the entire ride was when he asked for directions and I instructed him. By this method, we reached the pastry house in my exact estimated time: forty-five minutes.

I wasn't sure how things here worked but we walked in and sat down at a round table for two. It was a small place, probably family owned, and my suspicions were confirmed when a girl no older than fourteen burst from the back with two small menus. The seven or so other people in the shop chuckled, and one even said, "Yer gettin' a bit better 'bout time, Em. Last kids you kept waitin', they 'bout ta leave afta' forty minutes."

The girl, Em, laughed nervously, and apologized profusely to us. "I'm extremely sorry you had to wait—I was trapped in the back and—"

"That's okay," I interrupted with a smile. "We just got in. Thank you for the menus." Em blushed, nodded, and then went into the back again.

"You're good with people," Mello gruffly commented. I turned to face him, surprise on my face, and I noticed his head was turned. Only his eyes were in my direction. "They usually think I'm scary."

I was silent, for I was in agreement with that statement. If I was seeing Mello for the first time, I would be quite intimidated and probably not want to be the one he asks for the time of day. Or night, if that is the case. I would be terrified to meet him at night, frankly. Finally, I said, "It's those clothes and that glare you always have. Your face used to be a lot more open before, and you looked maybe a little happier."

His eyes widened, maybe in shock or maybe in horror that I'd spoken to him like that, and I felt my body automatically lean back in worry. Mello's gaze hardened again and he made a _tsk_ing sound as if what I said was impossible. "Idiot," I heard him whisper.

Instead of replying, I sighed and took a look at the menu. There were a lot of German cakes but also some common American sweets, like chocolate cake. By the time Em came back, I knew what I wanted. "What will you two be having today?" she asked sweetly, completely different from the flustered girl who ran out from the back.

"Chocolate mousse," Mello and I said at the same time. She nodded with a smile as if it was normal, informing us that it would be right out, and then left again. I stared at Mello but he wasn't looking at me. His face was still turned towards the wall so I began talking. "What made you pick the _mafia_?" I asked.

I noticed his eye do a little twitch like he wanted to look up but at the same time preferred to keep his gaze away from mine. The seconds ticked by. "Mello?"

"This is bull shit. You don't want to talk about that," he retorted.

"…you're right." Another awkward pause ensued while I thought about how to word my thoughts. "I know things are weird between us. We had that episode when we were confused kids and it really had a bad effect on us. But we should let go of those grudges from almost three years ago. _I_ don't hate you anymore. It's just that… I'm not sure about you. You always avoid me, or if you don't, you at least take the time to glower at me or shoot me a glare."

"I'm not mad at you, and I don't hate you."

"Then what's _wrong_?"

"Sometimes you can't explain human behavior."

I groaned, quickly shutting up as Em came out happily with the cakes in hand. "Enjoy!" she smiled brightly, managing not to make a sound while setting the ceramic plates on the table. I nodded to her in thanks and shot Mello a look to do _something_ but neither of them noticed and I let out a sigh when Em was out of hearing range.

"You complain about me being good with people yet you don't even _try_," I mumbled. Then I raised my voice so Mello could hear me and ordered him, "Make an effort. Explain to me your humanly behaviors."

Finally, he turned his whole body towards me and stared me in the eyes, making a temple with his fingers. "Listen to me, you fucking thick-headed _idiot_. I never hated you. My actions were only in response to the signals _you_ sent me. The first day you came with Matt, you openly hated me, and that you can't deny. Then you were subtle about it. Now this. What's going on in that damn head of yours?"

While I thought it over, I started on my chocolate mousse, and Mello followed suit. We didn't talk until we'd both finished, about thirty minutes later. He was the first to talk. "That was a serious question, Ever," he said tonelessly. "What do you want from me?"

"I want us to be friends, at the very least. Is that reasonable?" I looked at him with wide eyes, anticipating his response. I had a feeling he would agree seeing as he was in this strangely calm state. He wasn't angry or very snappy towards me at all. Mello was being docile, which was a nice change.

His eyes bore into mine. I couldn't look away, and neither of us was saying anything. "Ever, all I have ever wanted was for you to stop hating me. Now that it's happened, I'm willing to comply with any condition you have for this hate to remain gone," he explained to me as if these were his last words. And they may well be, considering the sort of trouble Mello is capable of getting himself into.

"You're agreeing? You'll make an effort to be friendly?" I demanded almost breathlessly. This was too good to be true. Why was I so excited about it? I didn't love Mello. I knew these feelings were borderline best friend. They were almost exactly what I felt with Matt, just slightly different and it made my heart clench in a different way.

Mello made a clear effort to smile, but it wasn't a very good smile. However, I didn't care. I could smile. "Yeah. I—"

Em came then and took our plates, promising to be right back with the check if there was nothing else we wanted. I looked earnestly at Mello. "What were you going to say?"

He turned his head away, causing a frown to crease my face. I was about to protest, about to tell him that if he was going to be friendlier, he'd have to open up, but then he said something unexpected: "I wish we could be more than friends."

I don't know why I did it. I regret it. It was a stupid thing to do. _I think._

The table was but a short distance to lean across. I felt left-over cake from my mostly empty plate squish on my shirt but I didn't care. I was glad that Mello kissed me back or that would've been a move more embarrassing than anything I'd ever done. I felt the stares. I felt the awkward, tense air the café had acquired. But who cared? Mello and I were kissing. It was short but heartfelt. We both meant it, unlike that first kiss which I didn't even really count.

"Please tell me that means "me too"," Mello begged, pulling away. For the first time, I heard his voice with a hint of desperation. Desperation for me. For _me_. I couldn't believe my ears. However, I would not be able to trick myself into this. It was so unexpected, so out of character that even my imagination couldn't have conjured it up.

_Mello wants me._ An amazing thought that I believed would never cross my mind. _He fucking_ wants_ me!_ My excitement gradually grew and I stood up, ignoring the cake on my front, went around the table and squeezed Mello more tightly that I'd ever squeezed anyone before.

"Oh, Mello," I whispered, reluctant to speak any louder.

"Tell me that's a yes," he whispered back.

I could only nod and then pull away awkwardly but happily as Em set the check down quietly on the table. No one wanted to disturb us, but I had a feeling it was more polite to allow ourselves to be disturbed. We paid and left with me smiling all the way and Mello looking uncomfortable but pleased with hands in his leather pockets. He drove us back in silence besides the sound of the radio but I could tell be was content by the way he drove. It was a calm pace, a smooth ride. We got back to the base and went our separate ways: Mello to who knows where and I went to share the news with Matt—and change my cake-stained shirt.

Zooming through the hallways to Matt's room, I earned several stares and many of the men moved out of my path in a frightened sort of way. I was aware of how fast I was going and the huge grin that was spread across my face. The door to Matt's room just nearly broke as I swung it open. He looked up from his video game for a second, completely uninteresting, and then looked back. Placing my hands on my hips, I waited for the double-take that would mean he was curious. It came three minutes later when he got to a point where he could spare a few moments for his friend.

"What's up?" asked Matt, raising his eyebrows. I went over to his closet and picked out a shirt, taking my own off and slipping his on. Changing in front of him wasn't a big deal to either of us.

As I threw my dirty shirt on his "dirty clothes" chair and sat myself down on his bed, I started to explain the events in the pastry shop. I detailed only Mello's reactions because that was what I had found most interesting. And last of all, I told him of the kiss that meant we were "together", per say.

He grinned. "Way to go, you two. From enemies to lovers in one afternoon," he praised. "All thanks to you."

I shrugged sheepishly. "You played a part, too. If you weren't so lazy, I wouldn't have even thought to ask him," I teased.

Matt chuckled and then turned his attention back to the game. "Congrats, Mel," I heard him whisper to himself just before I fell asleep. I had planned to only sleep for a couple minutes but when I woke up, it was October and I was in the infirmary.

* * *

**Note:** _My God, this took me forever. -.- I'm so sorry for the wait, but I hope the chapter is worth it! ^^  
I don't have my plans with me. I had this sheet with all the dates that correspond with the actual_ Death Note_ story line but all I remember is that Sayu gets kidnapped some time in October. I thought that the time from this event to the time when something exciting happens (Sayu's kidnapping) would be boring, and health problems are usually not planned. When you're in a place like the mafia's base, rountine health check-ups generally aren't that important. Ever's health care has gone neglected... and see what happens? Well, you don't know what's up with her yet. ;D The title has many meanings. That is one of them. :3  
I haven't even started Chapter 5, so don't be surprised if there's another long delay. But I'll try to write more! :)_


	5. Missing

_Chapter Five: Missing_

Opening my eyes, the most unusual sight met me. White brightness, no windows, and a faded blue curtain. "Where…?" I started to ask. Then I realized how foolish I must seem, talking to no one. But a couple seconds later, it clicked that no one was here to witness my stupidity, which led to my ultimate plan: Get out of bed and find someone.

As I sat up, a wave of dizziness hit me hard. Passing out was imminent but I held out and waited for my vision to clear. I stood and pulled the curtains back, yelping in surprise to see Mello asleep on a chair just an inch from the curtain. His eyes instantly flew open and I suddenly felt very exposed in only a hospital gown and underwear.

"Are you okay?"

"…I don't know," I answered truthfully, my brow furrowing.

Mello let out a sigh of relief and got up. I wasn't sure what to expect, so when he hugged me, my arms hung limply at my sides in surprise. A few seconds passed before I realized I should hug him back and I did so, entirely aware of the feeling of my bare chest against his leather jacket.

"Mello?" I asked.

"Hm?"

"What's going on?"

He pulled away and handed me a stack of clothes. "Matt picked them out. I'll let you change and then I'll try and give you a summary of what the doctor said and what's been going on around here." Smirking, he added, "You missed some pretty exciting stuff, Ever."

I groaned, disappointed, and pulled the curtains closed so I could change. It was a really awkward feeling to be naked just a few feet from Mello with simply a thin piece of material to separate us. Trying not to think of it, I put on some regular clothes, intensely impressed by Matt's choice. He had picked all my favorites and I silently thanked him in my mind.

"Done yet?" called Mello from the other side.

I pulled open the curtain and smiled as my answer. "Go for it. Tell me what happened," I pressed, desperately confused and curious.

We both took a seat and the explanation commenced. "You went to sleep about three weeks ago and had a seizure in your sleep, followed by a black-out which lasted long enough for the carbon monoxide from a gas leak to get into your system. The doctor said it's extremely rare and he hadn't seen a case yet, but sometimes carbon monoxide poisoning can lead to comas. Yours lasted about three weeks. Matt is eternally grateful that you fell asleep in his room and that it wasn't he who missed out on the Death Note drama." At the end, Mello chuckled.

I prodded him to continue. "What drama?"

"We kidnapped the NPA Director," stated Mello proudly.

"Wow, taking the initiative, huh?" I grinned. I hadn't expected him to be so forward. Normally, I'd think that he would do this sort of thing right away, but after having been around him for such a long time and no drastic actions being taken, I hadn't been anticipating anything like it.

It was clear he reveled in my praise. "Kira learned of the kidnapping and made the Director commit suicide which means that he is in the NPA," Mello went on, "so we decided to kidnap the daughter of the Deputy Director, Sayu Yagami."

"When? Where is she?"

"You just missed her," laughed Mello. Something about his progress was making him act weird. "Yesterday, the Deputy Director came and picked her up, we got the Death Note, and most of the SPK members are dead."

"SPK… The organization led by Near?" I recalled.

"That's right." Mello paused, took a bite of his chocolate, and left. "Take care."

I stared after him. Strangely, the only thing I noticed was that I hadn't seen him eat chocolate as much lately. He usually had chocolate when he was thinking or stressed, or just because he felt like it, but Mello was definitely thinking. I could see it in the way his attitude had changed, especially towards me. Mello was more focused on the Kira case than ever and I didn't like it. How long would I have to put up with this new Mello? There was no telling the amount of time it would take for him to solve the mystery…

For the next few days, Mello paced around the base, mumbling to himself and eating chocolate. I guess the constant pacing kept the weight off from all that chocolate. It was on the eighteenth that two things happened at once: first, a shinigami named Sidoh appeared. He frightened a lot of the mafia men and I had heard their yells. As I watched from the door, one by one, they were able to see the creature. Mello was the only one who didn't scream. He just sat there, looking intrigued, and struck up a deal with the thing.

Calmly, I entered the room and tried to touch the Death Note, but Mello snarled at me and told me to get out. Hurt, I snatched the notebook out of his hands and glowered at him, peripherally sizing up this thing so I wouldn't freak out like the others. Then, I turned towards it. "What's your name?" I asked fearlessly.

"What are you doing, Ever?" shouted Mello as he stood up and grabbed my hands roughly. The Note fell from my grip.

"It's Sidoh…" the shinigami said.

"_Shut up!_" Those brilliant blue eyes held hatred and fear and my body went limp. I stared sadly at him and when it became too much for Mello, he shook me and screamed, "What!? What are you doing?! What do you want?!"

"…I want you back," I whispered, quietly saying goodbye and wrenching my wrists from Mello. He yelled after me but I started running and didn't hear him. There was no good reason for what had just happened but it did. Now what was I supposed to do? Accept the fact that until Kira was found and killed and Mello was number one, he would not give a _fuck_ about me? _Like hell I'll accept that!_

Not too long after, Mello was busy again. For hours I had been angrily storming around when I decided to try and make Mello see things my way, but he was locked in a room by himself. They told me he was making an important call and not to disturb him. I gritted my teeth and left.

Eight days later, Mello confronted me and told me to leave. As he was about to step out of my room, I caught his arm and cried, "What! You can't just barge in an tell me to get out!"

He stared me in the eyes, dead serious. "Ever, believe me. This case is dangerous. I don't expect Kira or the Japanese Task Force to sit around on their asses for too long. Not since I called the President. That was eight days ago, and that man is a coward. He should have informed them by now. We have Sidoh standing guard—we'll be fine. But…"

"You're worried about me?" I finished, surprised.

Mello gritted his teeth. "Don't look at me with those wide eyes!" he hissed, seemingly ashamed but angry—with himself. "I haven't been acting right, not towards you, and I… want to apologize. There is—"

My love towards him had become overwhelming. I stood on my tiptoes, flung my arms around his neck and kissed him with so much force that he bumped up against the wall behind him.

"—nothing worth having you die…" ended Mello, breathless. He smiled the smile I hadn't seen for all too long. "Promise me you'll get Matt and go somewhere safe?"

I frowned. "Matt? He can handle himself. Why should I take him with me?"

"On the off chance that he can't handle himself."

After a long moment of contemplation, I nodded in agreement. He placed a delicate kiss upon my lips and briskly walked out the door and away. I wondered briefly if this would be the last time I saw him, but then I thought it was a pretty okay way to part. Not as if that's to say that I'd be _alright_ with this being the last time I saw him. With all my heart, I prayed that he'd come back to me, alive and hopefully in one piece.

* * *

Matt had booked a really nice hotel room—unfortunately, when we arrived (with our eleven bags and suitcases because of Matt's electronic equipment), it became apparent that there was only one bed that we would have to share. We looked at each other, shrugged, and started to unpack. Assuming the worst, Matt had gotten us this room for two months. I told him that was unnecessary and that Mello would come back to us in a week. With goggles off, it was clear in Matt's expression that he wasn't so sure about that.

"Oh, come on. This is Mello getting serious about Kira. How long could it take?" I protested.

Unexpectedly, Matt laughed. "Don't you know Kira by now?"

I glowered. "Way to show your faith in him."

"It's not that." Matt turned away from me. "Kira is a tricky bastard. For once, I'm worried about Mello. I'm not there to save his ass if he gets in trouble."

After that, I kept my mouth shut. Matt was right. Kira had evaded capture for several years. How could Mello find and execute him in one week? It would be impossible. Two months may really not be enough. I just hoped that I could see Mello sometime soon. I wanted to cheer him on and give him hope because no matter how much I didn't care about Kira, I cared about him winning. It wasn't as if I hated Near and I would kill the little guy if it meant Mello's win. No, of course not. This would have to be a fair game and I just happened to be a bit more supportive of Mello.

I didn't know if Mello would have time to check his email, but I decided to send a message telling him, "Good luck!" Then for the next few days, I watched movies that I had always wanted to see and ones that Matt recommended. If I fell asleep during a movie, Matt would make sure to pause it so that I could pick up where I left off in the morning. It was a nice routine, even though it probably wasn't healthy, and it kept my mind off of what trouble Mello could be getting himself in to.

But even with the nonstop movies, I found myself thinking about Mello in the middle of a really good scene and I'd have to pause it, go hug Matt, take a walk, and then start watching again. I was in a daze until I noticed Matt's smug looks. The one month mark was creeping up in two days and his prediction was beginning to prove right. During Chinese take-out that night, I looked him defiantly in the eye and told him, "Mello's alive."

He looked up at me, one eyebrow raised. "What makes you so sure?"

Suddenly, I felt sick to my stomach. My certainty was gone when I responded, "I would know. I would feel it."

Matt obviously didn't believe me due to the lack of strength my words held and he sighed. "Denial isn't gonna do you any good," he told me, starting to reach out for a hug, but I pulled away.

"What the hell, Matt?" I shouted, tears stinging my eyes. "Where did all your faith go?! Don't you believe in Mello?! You're acting like he's already dead! What the _fuck!_" My vision was blurry and my lip was trembling but I gritted my teeth and glowered as menacingly as I could at Mello's supposed best friend. "If he doesn't show up in the next week, fine, I'll believe you. But until then—I—I can't accept it!"

With goggles covering his eyes, Matt hung his head. A sob emitted from his mouth and I stared in shock. "It—it's hard to trust someone as stupid as Mello." His voice was shaky. "I don't want to have hope and then have it c—crushed. Ever, the amount of faith you have in him…" He took his goggles off, wiped them, and looked me in the eyes. Bloodshot and tear-stained. Had he been sleeping okay…? "The amount of faith you have in Mello is overwhelming. The amount of love you have for him is incredible. I would've long given up on him if I was in your position. But you—I admire you."

And I thought I had been the one suffering. Matt had been quietly suffering in his own while. While he had chosen a more pessimistic approach, I had insisted that Mello was alive because I knew that losing him would be hell. I had experienced loss, but Mello cured me of the sorrow. Matt—who knows, maybe he's been dealing with it all this time.

At that moment, I realized that Matt had already been the one to believe in Mello. For years, he had searched for his best friend and then went to the extent of finding him even though he had become a criminal and joined the mafia. We didn't know what he had become, but unlike me, Matt had faith. Maybe Matt feels like he failed and that when he found Mello, he should've protected Mello. Instead, the stupid Blondie went and got himself into some steep trouble and he may even be dead now.

I stepped forward and put my arms around the best gamer in the world. "Your faith in him paid off last time," I reminded him. "You searched for years, found him, and now he has our help. Can't you give him a chance?"

His arms lifted and wrapped tightly around me. "Sure, Evvy."

I kneed him.

Laughing nervously, Matt keeled over. "Nice maneuver…"

Smiling, I finished my food and we had a nice night. He stayed up playing games while I went to sleep. The next day went about normally but last night's talk had given Matt a boost of energy. It was nice seeing him happier. The depressing days were over, I was sure of it, and Mello was coming home soon.

Our good mood intensified when we got a call from Mello. It was during a relaxation period. I was upside down on the couch watching Matt play Halo when the phone rang. Picking it up, I answered, "Matt and Ever are humbly at your service." On the other end, I heard an all-too-familiar chuckle. My heart sped up to a million beats per minute. Instantly, I sat up the right way. "Mello?!"

"It's been a while, Ever," said Mello, and I could hear the smile in his voice.

Beside me, Matt had paused the game and was listening intently. "Where are you? Are you okay? What are you doing? When are you coming back? Holy shit, I fucking _miss _you!"

Mello laughed. He actually _laughed_. I was smiling like a retard and Matt had the biggest grin on his face. It was such a relief to hear him. "I'll be flying in tomorrow, so you won't have to miss me much longer. But…" Voice lowered, he continued, "Don't freak out when you see me. Please." Even quieter, he added, "I love you."

For a couple beats, my heart stopped. "You too. I—I mean, same here. I mean, you know… I do too…" Mentally, I kicked myself.

Another chuckle. "I get it. Are you two doing okay?"

Matt took the phone and said, "We're probably not being very healthy but we're doing pretty well. When will you get here?"

I could just barely make out a small sigh. "I don't know. People at the airport might give me a hard time."

Matt glanced at me like he had something to say. I frowned but respectfully got up and went to my room. As I left, Matt was asking if something was wrong. He looked concerned but I thought nothing of it because _Mello was coming back_. That night, sleep was easy. Knowing that Mello was returning, I had only good dreams.

The next morning, I went out in my pajama pants and tank top with morning breath and all only to find that Mello was sitting at our table. I dove into the bathroom, hoping he wouldn't noticed, but I landed so loudly that I heard him turn around. He was probably wondering why he loves and idiot like me.

"…morning."

I crawled into the bathroom, shut the door, and called, "Good morning!" to him on the other side. After going through all my morning routines, I was ready to face him. I took a deep breath… and turned the doorknob. Mello was already almost done with cereal so I went to the fridge to grab milk. I was acutely aware of his eyes on me as I tried to grab for the Lucky Charms which Matt had placed impossibly high.

Mello's chair scraped across the ground and he came up behind me to get it but I was jumpy and I spun around. We ended up chest-to-chest and his face was so close… I touched the left side of his face. "Mello… This scar…" A lump rose in my throat. "Oh… What happened?"

He turned away, ashamed. "I know, it's disgusting. I—"

"Mello!" I gasped. He peeked at me through the corners of his eyes. I made his face turn words me and I kissed him. "I don't care what you look like," I whispered. "I'm so happy you're alive."

The corner of his mouth curled upward. "Yeah." He hugged me tight and stayed that way until Matt groggily entered the kitchen and started on his own breakfast. Mello went up beside him and slung an arm over his best friend's shoulder. Matt jumped. "Ha ha, how's it goin', Matt?"

His goggles were probably somewhere on the floor—they always came off in his sleep—so his expression was very readable. Shock. Mello's scar was unexpected and horrifying but I could see past that flaw more easily than the idiot redhead. I ducked my head and announced that I was gonna get dressed and go out for a walk. They both knew I was leaving them to talk. Sure, I felt out of the loop, but they needed to talk just as much as me and Mello. I had no right to hog him… I waved, slipped on my boots, and went out.

Upon returning, I saw that they had left and there was a notebook on the table with something scribbled in large letters. I knew it was Mello's handwriting because I recognized Matt's to well to mistake it for anyone else's. The note read, "I have a plan. I don't want you to get involved. Everything from here on out is dangerous. Matt will help me. We'll be fine. If I ask you to do something, please don't question (an arrow was drawn pointing to the right so I flipped the page) me and just do it. It's for your safety and for the sake of the plan. You don't want to be the reason Matt and I die, right? We'll be back in a few hours. Don't wait up."

I tore the note out and crumpled it. From my pocket I pulled a lighter, lit it, and threw it out the balcony. Who cared what it burned as long as it didn't kill anyone. Sirens weren't going off so at least nothing had caught fire. My mood had gone from intensely happy to annoyed. How dare Mello do this to me? I'd been supporting him for a month when even his best friend had assumed that he was dead! I had every right to be a part of this!

But what Mello said got to me. "You don't want to be the reason Matt and I die, right?" No… I would hate myself forever if that were to happen. Mello was right. I would have to just butt out of it this time. Maybe it would make them more effective if I didn't put up a fight. Watari and Roger would be proud if they knew how rationally I was thinking. Even I noticed the change. Normally, I'd be rash and demand to know the plan and everything that was going on but maturation had caught up with me. My 18th birthday had already passed—July 17th—but I felt like 20 was hitting me hard in the face.

And my new-fangled intelligence was telling me to stay clear of the highly explosive zone Mello had created around the Capture Kira plan. If an example of cat and mouse were ever to really exist, it was Mello versus Kira. It consumed Mello's life and time and probably Kira's, too. By the time the two of them returned, I had fallen asleep playing Halo. I don't know what time it was but at four in the morning, I was jolted away by a cat and there was a blanket draped over me that wasn't there before.

The cat had come out of nowhere. It meowed in my ear, causing me to wake up, and then it jumped to the end of the couch and sat there staring at me with unnatural green eyes. They reflected the light from the street lamps that shined through the balcony's sliding door. A gust of wind made me shiver and that's when I realized that the door was open. That's how the cat had gotten in. "But we're three stories up…" The cat tilted its head, curious as to why I couldn't comprehend its presence. Or something.

It blended in so well with the night's darkness because it was black save for the line of white above its right eye. We looked at each other for a long time until I started to feel the heaviness of sleep pull at my eyelids. "Will Matt and Mello approve of you?" I asked aloud. The cat mewed. I nodded slowly. "That's right. They should approve of you. I mean, I deserve something—a companion—if they're going to be all secretive and go off without warning." I looked at the cat for a while longer and then beckoned it to come over so I could check if it was a boy or girl.

Paws silent and graceful, the cat came to my lap and rubbed its head against my head. I turned it over and while petting the belly, I discovered that this was a girl. "Should I name you?" I whispered. "Will you stay with me?" In response, she purred, causing me to smile. "Okay then. I'm going to close the door." Putting her aside, I went to the door. Her neck craned back to watch me as I stood and then she followed me. I didn't close the door but instead offered her a chance to leave if she really wanted. Happiness radiated from my sleepy self when she remained rooted to the ground. I slid the door shut and leaned down to pick her up. The cat jumped up and held on with claws which hurt but I didn't mind.

"What am I going to call you?" I laid back down on the couch, pulled the blanket around me, and the black cat sat on my stomach. "Laney?" She sneezed. "Gabby?" She sat still and looked at me. "Nala?" She scooted closer to me and laid down as well. I smiled. "Nala?" I repeated.

Nala reached out with a paw and tapped my cheek, claws sheathed. I wrapped my arms around her and easily fell asleep.

_Wriggle wriggle._ I shifted. _Tap tap._ "Who's touching my cheek?" I grumbled. Opening my eyes, a black blur was moving. After blinking a few times I realized it was Nala and it put an immediate smile on my face. "Hey, girl. You want some breakfast?" She rubbed her face against my cheek which I took as a yes. As I positioned myself to stand, Nala jumped off and pranced over to the kitchen.

Grabbing a small saucer, I poured her milk and she leaped up to the kitchen counter. It was amazing how she could jump so high. Having a cat around would definitely brighten my day and keep my mind off the boys somewhat. I petted her and then turned to the fridge to see if we had tuna or something. Surprisingly, there were about twelve cans. I readied one can for her and Nala ate it up.

"What are you doing?!"

Nala looked up and hissed.

Laughing, I patted Nala's head and raised my eyebrows at Matt. "Not a cat person?"

He shook his head. "No, that's not it." Pointing to the tuna, he frowned. "It's mine. Not his."

"Hers," I corrected. "Her name is Nala."

"And where did Nala come from?" questioned Matt, crossing his arms.

"The cat fairy," I responded with a straight face. Mello emerged from my room and for the briefest moment, I wondered if he'd gone through my panty drawer. It made me blush but I recovered and greeted him, "Good morning, Mello."

Matt turned his head and nodded towards the cat. "What do you think?"

"…it's certainly a surprise," he said slowly. Nala had finished licking the can and was low sitting with her tail hanging over the edge of the counter. It was flicking from side to side as she licked her lips and awaited approval.

"I'm keeping her," I told them, staring with defiance. Standing by Nala's side, we both made them uncomfortable.

Matt and Mello looked at each other, then at the cat, and then at me, back at the cat, and then they locked eyes. I waited. "Well…" Mello started, "if she makes you happy… Okay."

"Yeah, I guess it's okay," agreed Matt, a bit more reluctantly. Probably because his tuna would disappear faster.

Grinning widely, I hugged them both, and I kissed Mello. "Thanks guys. I'm gonna go out and get kitty litter and a litter box and cat food and a bowl and a bed and toys and—"

"Please don't go crazy with the money spending," Matt pleaded nervously. "There's a lot of stuff coming up that's going to need expensive equipment and I'm not going to get something crappy because you wasted all our money on kitty shit. Not literally."

I made a face. "Relax. I'll just get necessities."

"No bed, then. She slept fine last night, right?" Mello was clearly trying to compromise. Sighing, I nodded. "And we can use anything as a toy."

"Fine," I grumbled. "Don't let her out. I don't know if she's an outdoor cat or what."

"Duh, where did she come from?" Matt rolled his eyes as if the answer was so obvious.

"Duh, why was she out there?" I countered. "Maybe she's an indoor cat, her owners let her out, and she came to me. Think, Matt!"

He stuck his tongue out at me and I giggled.

"Alright, cut it out," Mello intervened. "Be careful, Ever. Don't do anything stupid. I'll leave another note when or if we leave, okay?"

We looked at each other for a while before I nodded. "Okay. See you." The words that had been conveyed with our eyes meant a lot. I thought him as I left the freakishly large hotel. The easy thing that had been exchanged was longing—to be together, to be in a normal situation, to just spend time with each other alone. A date would be nice. But they had so much ahead of them if they wanted to catch someone as smart as Kira… Even if it was impossible, I wanted to do everything I could to have a regular day with Mello.

The pet store completely distracted me. It was so hard to choose a toy! There were so many things that even I would play with that picking just one thing for Nala was difficult. In the end, the mouse was the best item. She would have fun batting it around. There were so many types of kitty litter that for once, I read what the bag said. Usually I went for pictures but this was for Nala and she needed to have the very best litter box. Eventually I chose the one that supposedly made the odor go away and the box was a nice dark blue. The cat food was fish-flavored and helped growth and it was healthy and everything.

Pleased, I bought everything with pride that I knew what I was doing because I had read the labels. When I returned, Nala immediately jumped and clung to my front. Matt and Mello looked grumpily over to us. Goggle-boy was lying sideways on the couch with three small scratches on his cheek and the shoulder of Mello's shirt was shredded. I burst out laughing. "What happened?"

"Matt and Nala had a tussle over tuna," grunted Mello. "I was the one who pulled them apart."

I smiled at the black cat hanging on me. "Don't worry, I got you cat food." She nuzzled me and jumped to the ground. After getting her litter box ready, I gave her some more milk and cat food. For the rest of the day, Nala slept and if I moved, she woke up and moved with me. It was adorable. Unfortunately, Matt and Nala spent every waking moment glaring at each other. I was sorry but not sorry enough to give Nala back to the wild.

Several weeks later, I came home from a morning walk to find that Nala was nowhere. I called for her and searched and put out food and cleaned the litter box in hopes that something would make her come out of her hiding place. That was when it struck me that the room was very cold. Horrified, I noticed the open door to the balcony. I ran outside and yelled, "_NALA!_" but to no avail. The only thing I got was stares.

Fuming, I went inside and called Matt.

"Hello?" he answered quietly.

"What the fuck is your problem?!" I screeched. He was probably holding the phone away from his ear.

"Shh, shh, shh… What's going on?" He sounded genuinely confused and a bit irritated.

"How could you leave the balcony door open when you knew that I told you not to let her out?!"

"It wasn't me!" insisted Matt. I imagined him looking over to Mello. "Was it you?" A few moments of silence. "…Ever, don't be mad, but Mello went out for some fresh air and probably left the door open by accident."

"Mello?" I cried. "Ahh, my precious Nala! Who knows what evil dog is eating her?!" In the short time that I'd spent with her, I had grown very attached to Nala. Losing her was like losing a daughter. The thought of losing a daughter made me feel even worse. "I think… I'll just have some ice cream and watch a good movie…" I muttered.

"Oh, man, Ever, I'm really sorry," apologized Matt.

"Not your fault," I sighed. "See you guys when you get back." Being in this bad mood, I nastily added, "If ever. You two are always gone. Thank god for Nala. But thanks to Mello, she's gone now."

"Ever—"

I hung up. After an afternoon of ice cream and chick flicks, Matt and Mello finally returned. They were both quiet as I glared at the TV screen.

"Hey, E—" started Mello.

"Forget it. It happened. I'm alone again. It didn't matter to you before, so why should it be of any importance now?" I snapped.

He sighed. "Okay." For a moment, he stood there, looking at me sadly, and then he went into Matt's room. They did this every night. Sitting cooped up in one of their rooms doing stuff on the computers and they never once told me what they was going on. For all I knew, they could be gettin' their gay on. Hell, Mello had never even touched me. Maybe they were gay.

"My cat is gone and my boyfriend is gay! Argh, what the _fuck!_" I yelled into a pillow. Nonetheless, everyone on the third floor probably heard me.

I heard footsteps come up behind me and my face went straight into the pillow. This was not normal for me. Today had been so… gloomy. I hated it. I wasn't myself. Apologizing seemed like a nice thing to do but I just wasn't that type of person.

"I just want you to know…" began Mello, "I'm not gay…"

"Prove it," I said into the pillow.

My head was pulled upward and his lips went over mine. We kissed more passionately than ever before. Longer than ever before. With more feeling than ever before. I hadn't really believed that Mello was gay, but this—if I ever really had doubts I would just have to think back to this kiss. He started to pull away and I flung my arms around him, pulling him close. I held back tears when I told him, "I honestly wish that things weren't like this. I want to go on a date, just a regular day like a couple would have. But you guys are so busy that all I had was Nala, and now not even her. I'm sorry I can't be more supportive, but I'm really just lonely."

With that, I changed my clothes and left the house. For a long time I just wandered aimlessly, ending up on the swings in some old, abandoned park. As I went slowly back and forth, blown by the wind, I realized that the squeaky swings were not the only sound. There was barking. I looked over to the right and an insane dog was trying to jump up the tree. Its lips were foaming and it was a nasty, snarling bark. Up in the tree was no squirrel.

"Nala!" I cried. No wonder she hadn't come home! This vicious dog had been after her! Looking around for a weapon, I came upon a long, sturdy stick and ran towards the dog. My plan was nowhere to be found. I held the stick out in front of me, trying to push the dog back, and amazingly it worked. A glance upward told me that Nala was slowly making her way down. I pushed the dog back further and further until I knocked over a trash can and it got frightened, yelping and running away, tail between its legs.

Proudly, I leaned on my stick and watched the stupid, evil dog scatter.

"Meow."

I spun around just as Nala jumped and clung to my front. Laughter spilled from my mouth and I was giddy with relief. "Oh, thank god…" Although it was deathly cold, Nala and I played in the park. It was no surprise that the next day, we were both sick.

"How does a cat get sick?" wondered Matt.

Nala sneezed in response and moved closer to me.

"Does it matter?" My sore throat gave my voice a raspy, manly sound and it made Matt smirk. I coughed a few times and reached for a tissue. "Could you make me some more tea?"

Mello, finished with his shower, came out with a towel around his waist and offered to get it for me. I didn't answer, instead blushing and petting Nala. With Matt walking around in boxers in mornings you'd think I would be used to half-naked males, but no.

* * *

INTERMISSION.

Mello's towel fell as he handed Ever the tea.

Yikes.

* * *

Luckily, I had quick reflexes and shut my eyes, burying my head into Nala. She mewed with concern. The brief glimpse I got of Mello's manhood stuck in my head and it wouldn't go away. I heard him set the cup down on the coffee table, pick up the towel, and hurrying back into his room. Peeking, I made sure that only Matt was in the room.

"It's safe," he snickered. Clearly, he was holding back laughter. I threw a pillow at him. Violently. He couldn't hold it back anymore. "BAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh, that was _rich_! Do it again! Hahahahahaha!" As he doubled over laughing, I felt the intense need to kick him.

Black belt in Kajukenbo here, remember? It would hurt. But today, Nala was being nice and she tapped my cheek with claws sheathed like usual. I looked down at her and side, a blush reaching my cheeks as I thought about the awkward moment that had just come to be. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach and bees buzzed in my head.

"When Mello comes out…" I muttered to myself. There was no finish to the sentence. _We'll just act like nothing happened,_ I decided.

Mello came out and declared that he and Matt were going out. Groaning, Matt stood up and stretched. "Another day of creeping on these people? So annoying… When will things get interesting?" He shot a glance at me and smirked. "I mean, _more_ interesting." He cackled all the way down the hall. Halfway down I heard him yell in pain. Mello had probably kicked him.

I sighed. Life was certainly interesting. The tea was sitting there on the table, steaming. After grabbing some ice cubes and plopping them in, I sipped it slowly while watching a Lifetime movie. It was about these crazy wives killing their cheating husbands and plotting revenge on their mistresses. Insanity galore. I smiled at Nala and she purred as I scratched behind her ear. We went out for a walk an hour after ramen lunch and spent most of the day being lazy. Nothing unusual or out of the ordinary.

I remember the date clearly this day because of what happened that night. January 25th, 2010. He came home alone, eyes red and puffy, shivering and without a jacket. Any awkwardness that would've been between us dissolved. I looked at him questioningly, stood up slowly, and went over to him. Mello's eyes would not meet mine so I tilted his head up. His eyes remained adverted.

"Mello?"

He shuddered.

Without a thought, I put my arms around him. "You're scaring me. What's wrong?" I asked softly.

"I know how to fix it," he mumbled. "I know how to make the world right. I know the cure. I'm sorry, Ever, I'm so sorry…"

"Mello!" Tears welled up in my eyes. I didn't know what was going on but his tone was definitely not reassuring. His words were so… final. I couldn't help but get that lump in my throat. "What's going on? Please tell me…"

Finally, his brilliant blue eyes looked into mine. So much emotion—so little was readable. He kissed me with the same passion as before, if not more. So much feeling was in that kiss that I stumbled. Mello moved us towards the bedroom. My heart sped up. I was nervous. So nervous and scared. But Mello could not be denied. He wanted this and—I couldn't lie—so did I. This was the final step. We would finally have a taste of normalcy after this.

He did it so tenderly, to be scared would be a crime. It was impossible. The passion was almost unbearable. His love radiated from his every move. "I love you, Ever, I love you so much," he whispered.

My breath was shaky. "I love you too…"

As the words left my mouth, I felt like it would bring something dangerous and unfortunate upon us. The frightened feeling came back and I pulled Mello closer to me. Our bare skin touched in infeasible intimacy. The sound of rain pelting windows finally reached my ears. Until then, I could only hear Mello's sounds. Rain in January—how dreary. But nothing about this moment was dreary. It was pure love.

When the moment finally came, I was worried about anything. Our eyes met and I just… melted. Incredible. Did everyone feel this closeness? This intense desire to love forever? To never let the one they love go?

Letting go…

When Mello pulled away, I felt a piece of me go missing. I longed to have it back but I could not. And even if it was over, the feelings remained in my heart. We had never been together in the same bed before but suddenly, every night without him seemed to expel this loneliness that I hadn't been aware was so strong. With Mello gone every day, it was only natural that I'd feel some degree of being alone, but now… It was like a dark rift, so much stronger than before. Mello wasn't just my lover or boyfriend. He _was_ my other half, my soulmate.

No one knew the definition of these phrases until they spilled their feelings into one another's hearts. I felt Mello's love and I knew he felt mine.

Mello was not gone in the morning. However, I noticed that Matt was still not with us. My blonde counterpart was sitting at the edge of the bed in jeans, back facing me. He heard me sit up and he started to talk. "I want you to stay here today. Don't go out, don't panic, and just watch," he said solemnly.

The gravity of the situation had yet to hit me. "Are you kidding me? We just had the most insanely intense night of our _lives_ and you mean to tell me you're going out but I can't leave this place?!" Anger emanated from me in waves. How come whenever something huge happened, Mello always responded by pulling away from me? He kissed me—it was my first kiss—and _apologized_. We make love and he tells me to stay home. What goes on in that damn idiot's head?

"Ever." There was no anger, only silent pleading. "Please. I set up the monitors. You'll understand." He turned and before I could catch a glimpse of his eyes, Mello's lips touched mine. With that kiss, he got off the bed and reached for his shirt. He put it on as he walked towards the door and there he put on his jacket and gloves.

Even though I didn't completely understand, I knew that something bad was going to happen. "I love you," I told him. My eyes were wide with fear.

He smiled sadly and crossed the room to touch my cheek and kiss me again. "I love you more than I ever imagined I could love anything. My only regret is that Kira came into existence. Despite what happened in the past, nothing with you was a mistake. Thank you for letting Matt drag you into breaking and entering the mafia's base."

I laughed quietly. "I'm glad, too… Take care…"

He nodded and left.

Nala rubbed against my leg and nudged my hand. I sat down on the floor and petted her until she was purring like a madman (madcat?). "Do you think Mello's invincible?" There was a falter in her purring. "…you're right." We both got up and I went over to the couch. Three computers were on the coffee table. They were each black.

Sighing, I watched more Lifetime drama. God, life was annoying. Boredom controlled me until around six in the afternoon when the computer screen flickered to life.

"Takada Kiyomi?" I frowned, confused.

A car pulled up and threw a bomb. Smoke bomb? Vaguely, I could make out Matt's form. Another screen showed Takada. A motorcycle screeched to a halt in front of her and my breath caught when I recognized Mello.

"What are you doing?!" I yelled, heartbeat accelerating.

The third screen showed some dark abandoned place. Mello or Matt's destination? It was unmoving. I fidgeted, hating the fact that even if I knew what to do, I probably couldn't.

Matt was surrounded. They all had guns.

"No no no no no…" I could see where this was going. "Stay in the car, Matt, stay—!"

He stepped out with hands up. Barely a word came from his mouth. The familiar cigarette fell from his mouth. He collapsed in a bloody heap.

They shot Matt.

He was dead.

Shock was the first emotion to hit me. Grief hit me next. This is the guy who had first noticed my crush on Mello, who helped me realize, who was my friend throughout the years, who ate hilariously large amounts of food and never gained weight, who could cheer me up without even trying, who allowed Mello and I to be together, who stayed with me through it all. I could not lose him. It was… It couldn't… It's wasn't…

"Ahh…" A shaky breath escaped my mouth and then the tears started rolling. "M-Matt…" No, no, no, no, no! NO. _NO._ Screaming havoc in my head. Biting lips on the outside. Nala could do nothing. Mello couldn't have done anything. Nothing could save me from the pain of losing Matt.

Mello.

_Mello._

His death had not occurred yet. I shut the laptop that now froze on Matt's dead body and searched the other two for Mello. I could see the side of his face, the mini TV on the dashboard, and his hands on the wheel on one and the still picture of the abandoned, dark place on the other. He whispered something when he saw Matt's death but I didn't understand. I sniffed and wiped the tears from my cheeks but from my eyes, they kept falling.

I waited, watching him drive, and I slowly calmed down. My mind was still filled with chaos but my control had gotten better outwardly. Nala's worry didn't lessen, though, and she faithfully remained in my lap.

Time passed slowly. There was no telling when I noticed Mello's van finally arrive at the abandoned—church? He left the front seat and what happened next was a mystery. All I knew was that it didn't take longer than ten minutes. He returned to the front seat and sat there. Then—

No.

_He's sleeping_, I tried to tell myself. _He must be tired after all that._

Everything froze when his head hit the wheel. The look in his eyes—it was death. Pure death. The unwinding began. I wailed. I shook. I felt sick and lightheaded. If people heard, so what. Let them hear. My pain was strong. It needed to be let out.

I love him.

I loved him.

The mental transition left a scar on my heart. The night before… Mello knew this would happen. He made love to me before he died. I started to cry harder, so hard that my chest hurt. Nala made a sound akin to a whimper and backed away.

Why did he make me watch this?!

But would I have wanted to hear from the mouth of someone else? Would I have wanted to search for him, to worry and not even know the full extent of the tragedy?

To the death, Mello was always better Near. In my mind and heart, I knew this was true. He did not cheat. He sacrificed himself to catch _one fucking criminal_.

Fire.

Eyes widening, I stared as the church burst into flame. My mental breakdown couldn't have lasted very long… How was this possible? Kira knew already. Kira killed the evidence. That cold-blooded, heartless _bastard!_ At that moment, I understood why Mello worked so hard to catch this beast.

Fast. Everything was happening so fast. I wanted to tell the world to slow down. I wanted to tell the world to give Mello back to me. I wanted to tell the world so many things. But when the next car pulled up, I realized: Kira has to be in that car. I leaned close, zooming in on those who stepped out. One man's hair was so familiar… While going through Matt's laptop games, I had come across a file on him. Light Yagami. I deemed it uninteresting and forgot about it, but to see him at the scene where my beloved Mello died… Coincidence?

No. Mello did not die in vain. My lip quivered but I dared not cry. Using my sleeve, I dried my tears and channeled my sorrow into furious determination.

In the next few hours, I established a connection with Near. I didn't both with a voice-scrambler. "Near, Mello and Matt are dead. I can't stand back and watch while Light Yagami gets away with murder. I was at Wammy House, too. My part in this battle will not end until Kira is captured or dead."

"…I admire the strength of your feelings, Ever, but this might make you brash and unstable when you come face-to-face with Mello's killer," reasoned Near in an irritatingly calm, unrealistic voice.

"Fuck that. The Takada girl was his killer. I can handle myself," I snarled.

There was a moment of silence. "I suppose I can't keep you from involving yourself," he sighed. "It would be better if you were under my supervision so that you don't accidentally interfere with our plan. I will allow you to be a part of this on one condition."

Warily, I replied, "…what?"

"You will not follow us to the meeting place where we expose Kira."

It irritated me to no end that everyone was trying to "protect" the situation by keeping me out of it. God, I wanted to be there so bad so I could smash the mother fucker's face in. But Near was right. The intensity of my feelings would make me an unreliable addition. "Fine, whatever," I answered moodily.

We exchanged information and upon arriving, I got searched at least eight times. I sighed with relief at the last metal detector. "You'd think you suspected me of being Kira," I muttered upon entering the control room.

Near shot me a sideways glance that gave off an "are you?" vibe.

I snorted. "You've gotta be killing me. Would I really—" Mello's death would be the perfect protection against this accusation but the wound was still fresh and I didn't feel like picking at it just yet. Instead, I shook my head and grumbled, "Whatever. Just tell me how many days I have to wait until this plan goes through."

"Since it is now seven in the morning on the twenty-seventh of January, I would say a little over 29 hours."

"…I think I'll sleep until then."

Near simply nodded.

Some woman offered to show me the way. Before letting me close the door, though, she gave me an odd look. "You're the one Mello was in love with?"

I froze, trying hard to control myself.

For some reason, her smile had a sense of approval about it. "Good. It seemed like your were emotionless about the whole thing which had me worried about what kind of girl that idiot fell for," she explained. "I'm glad to see you loved him just as much.

Teary-eyed, I nodded. "Yeah."

Maybe my body knew that I was trying to sleep off the sadness because it allowed me 28 hours of rest. I was very grateful and woke up refreshed although the pain of losing my best friend and boyfriend was still incredibly powerful.

Near was practically at the door when I reentered the control room. He looked back at me with deep feelings in his eyes. His sorrow for Mello's death was nothing in comparison to mine but I knew that Mello would feel somewhat proud that he'd made an impact on his worst enemy.

"…good luck," I whispered.

The nod he gave me that time held much more meaning that the casual, uncaring nod he'd given me before. "Mello's sacrifice will not go to waste," he assured me.

I knew that I could trust Near.

* * *

Why was it that when something incredibly important is going on, I do really stupid things? Like before, I had watched Lifetime dramas and now, I was playing Snake on my phone. Stupid, stupid Ever. The world's most elusive criminal is being confronted, captured (hopefully), and possibly even killed.

No matter how imperfect the world was, killing was not an answer. There wasn't a single person who deserved to play God and decide who dies, no matter how bad that person was. Second chances—ever heard of that, Kira? My mood was a mixture of sorrow and bitterness. Goddamned Kira. Why hadn't I paid more attention? Maybe I could've been more help and I might've been able to prevent what Mello felt he had to do.

_1 New Text. View Now_ or _Later_.

Surprised, I hit _View Now_. The first thing I noticed was the time. 2:48 PM. Had I really been so absorbed in Snake that I didn't notice how long I'd played? If anything justified the worth "pathetic," this was it. The next thing I noticed was that it was from Near. I didn't know what Near was capable of texting.

Then, finally, I read the message.

_Mello has been avenged. Kira is gone. I hope you can move on now._

_-Near_

My heart filled with… warmth. A mere two days after Mello's death, even though my grief was unmatched, the healing process had begun. Mello—would he be proud or sad to know this? I would never know. I'd never know where he went. Heaven, Hell, or gone into nothingness. I liked the idea that he'd watch over me forever from wherever he was but… that was just wistful thinking.

In my heart, Mello would always exist. I closed my eyes and smiled, crying once more. "I miss you."

* * *

**Oh. My. Lawd.**

_Did I really just finish it? …why yes. I believe that almost exactly a year later, Storybook has been completed. It's such a sad chapter, I actually cried when I was writing their love-making scene. I mean, you'd think I'd be turned on, but no. I was crying. _xD_ I'm probably way too into this story. It may even be unhealthy. But that's okay. I really enjoyed this. I hope the last chapter satisfied you. I hope people are still following this story. I hope you can forgive me for taking so long!_ Dx

**-Star**


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